IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
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 some people that some people have their own talents in
aesthetic
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aesthetics
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 and playing games, and
other
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others
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side is
Verb problem
do
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 not.
Although
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 they can gain their success from their own dedication, so
this
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 essay discusses both sides and my own opinion. On the one hand, some persons have been fortunate
living
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to have
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 plenty of abilities and skills. Living with vast popularity,
wealth
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and wealth
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,
having
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and having
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 various skills and talents is very important, because
that
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apply
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such
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 persons can obtain many things in their lives without any trouble, if anyone has
such
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 an opportunity can reach the highest level of
the
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apply
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life.
For instance
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, some newspaper reports that a man obtained success in education within a short time, and now he is working as a managing director in the world
recognize
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recognised
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the
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apply
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organization.
However
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, many students bear
such
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 chances, but
someone
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some
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not use
this
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 properly.
On the other hand
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, someone who doesn't have
such
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 talents. There are not
same
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the same
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 positions who can reach for everyone, but those who have enough courage to fulfil the required goal, so no one
become
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becomes
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 discouraged.
For example
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, if there are weak pupils with
poor
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the poor
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 start
of
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in
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 their lives, ultimately
became
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become
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the
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apply
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world-famous characters
such
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 as Albert Einstein. So everyone must try to improve skills
,
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apply
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 and build up
own
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their own
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 characteristic invaluable way to shake
of
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off
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 the word.
Moreover
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, there are a lot of men and women that we can find the way successfully by comparing who had the lucky lives. In a nutshell, anyone living with the great occasions that they may be in higher grades, and others
also
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 have achieved
the
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apply
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success beyond that doesn’t have. In my opinion, I think that anyone who has the courage and the necessity can obtain what he/she wants.

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task achievement
To improve task response, focus on addressing each part of the question more directly. Ensure that both views are clearly discussed and balanced in terms of coverage. Include a more explicit statement of your own opinion, with supporting arguments, to make it clearer to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas logically and use clear paragraphing. Try to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs with appropriate linking words and phrases, such as 'on the other hand,' 'for instance,' etc., to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay covers both views, acknowledging that some people are born with talents while others can achieve success through effort.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay attempts to include examples to support its points, which strengthens the arguments presented. This is a positive approach, though examples can be made more relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate talent
  • Nurture
  • Prodigy
  • Proficiency
  • Deliberate practice
  • Physiological factors
  • Grit
  • Perseverance
  • Cultural norms
  • Structured training
  • Physical predisposition
  • Natural aptitude
  • Dedicated training
  • Societal influence
  • Passion
  • Genetic endowment
  • Skill acquisition
  • Expertise
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Mastery
  • Cognitive abilities
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