IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #benefit #workers #employers
With the advancement of technology, it is very much possible to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office stuff from home.
While
, few of the people considered it as a beneficial factor
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
, others believe it is not in favour of management. It's a debatable topic, I shall be providing both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views in my essay.
Firstly
, if staff are working from their residence, there are several benefits. To start with, people can stay with their family 24/7. There is an increase in the productivity. The cost and the
time
 for travelling will be reduced,
due to
 which, people will feel less fatigue and will be able to provide more working hours.
Secondly
, from the
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 point of view, workers commuting
time
 will be saved,
due to
 which
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be able to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more
time
 to work. If the employee is coming to
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, there will be a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of
time
 in communication with other colleagues. Not only the rent of the offices
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the cost of maintenance will be minimal. With the availability of internet services, meetings are possible online through various modes like
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
show examples
, hang out etc. So employees and employers can be in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
daily touch with one another on a regular basis.
As recently
Change preposition
Recently
show examples
,
due to
outburst
Correct article usage
the outburst
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the COVID19
show examples
COVID19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 virus, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 in lockdown. Each and everyone
compulsory
Verb problem
is required
show examples
 to work from home.
As with
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the help of technology, it was very much possible to work from home.
To sum up
, I would say,
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
show examples
 surrounds us.
Due to
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, not only it is beneficial to employees, but
also
 to the management and it will add to the profit of the company.
Submitted by nats.893 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents both views. However, some points lack development and clarity. It is important to address all aspects of the topic in detail.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, the essay lacks clear progression of ideas and some points are not well-connected. Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: