IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #benefit #workers #employers
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With the advancement of technology, it is very much possible to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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office stuff from home.
While
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, few of the people considered it as a beneficial factor
Correct word choice
apply
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while
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, others believe it is not in favour of management. It's a debatable topic, I shall be providing both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views in my essay.
Firstly
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, if staff are working from their residence, there are several benefits. To start with, people can stay with their family 24/7. There is an increase in the productivity. The cost and the
time
Use synonyms
 for travelling will be reduced,
due to
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 which, people will feel less fatigue and will be able to provide more working hours.
Secondly
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, from the
company
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company's
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 point of view, workers commuting
time
Use synonyms
 will be saved,
due to
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 which
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will be able to
give
Verb problem
have
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 more
time
Use synonyms
 to work. If the employee is coming to
office
Correct article usage
the office
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, there will be a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 in communication with other colleagues. Not only the rent of the offices
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 the cost of maintenance will be minimal. With the availability of internet services, meetings are possible online through various modes like
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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, hang out etc. So employees and employers can be in
a
Remove the article
apply
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daily touch with one another on a regular basis.
As recently
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Recently
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,
due to
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outburst
Correct article usage
the outburst
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 of
Correct article usage
the COVID19
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COVID19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 virus, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
were
Wrong verb form
have been
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 in lockdown. Each and everyone
compulsory
Verb problem
is required
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 to work from home.
As with
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With
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 the help of technology, it was very much possible to work from home.
To sum up
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, I would say,
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
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 surrounds us.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, not only it is beneficial to employees, but
also
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 to the management and it will add to the profit of the company.
Submitted by nats.893 on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents both views. However, some points lack development and clarity. It is important to address all aspects of the topic in detail.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, the essay lacks clear progression of ideas and some points are not well-connected. Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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