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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child #health
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, it is well-known a fact that
technology
 has made many features for the better life of
humans
. Nowadays, couples tend to watch
lots
 of television programs
as well as
 play video games.
However
, certain individuals reckon that these activities are not good for the growth of kids. I strongly agree with the given hook. In the below paragraphs, I would like to explain why
children
 like to
use
 these factors and what types of impact on
children
. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 is becoming in the
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 of
humans
, they prefer to
use
 it.
Children
 have
Correct article usage
a lots
show examples
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
 of interest in
this
.
Technology
also
 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of quality and
action
.
For instance
, people know very well,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
children
 spend in front of these facilities. Because of
this
, industries love to
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
action
 and well- effective.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is well-known a fact that
technology
 has made many features for the better life of
humans
. Nowadays, couples tend to watch
lots
 of television programs
as well as
 play video games.
However
, certain individuals reckon that these activities are not good for the growth of kids. I strongly agree with the given hook. In the below paragraphs, I would like to explain why
children
 like to
use
 these factors and what types of impact on
children
. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 is becoming in the
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 of
humans
, they prefer to
use
 it.
Children
 have
Correct article usage
a lots
show examples
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
 of interest in
this
.
Technology
also
 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of quality and
action
.
For example
, people know very well,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
children
 spend in front of these facilities. Because of
this
, industries love to
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
action
 and well- effective.
Submitted by bobbypanesar98765 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on providing a more organized structure for your essay. The content is repetitive and lacks a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but the response is not fully developed. Make sure to clearly present and support your ideas in a well-structured manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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