IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graphs present data on the money spent by
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of three junk
food
Use synonyms
 items over 30 years. The expenditure is given to each
person
Use synonyms
 in a week in
Pence
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 is presented in
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 per
person
Use synonyms
. As is presented in the bar graph, in 1990, British people with a high - income range spent more than 40
Pence
Use synonyms
 in a week on
Hamburger
Use synonyms
 which was higher than that of other items. They spent only 16
pence
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
 on
Fish
Use synonyms
 &
Chips
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 around 18
pence
Use synonyms
 on
Pizza
Use synonyms
. Again,
Hamburger
Use synonyms
 was the most popular item among the
medium income
Add a hyphen
medium-income
show examples
 class. They spent over 30
pence
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 item
while
Linking Words
 they spent only 25
Pence
Use synonyms
 on
Fish
Use synonyms
 &
Pizza
Use synonyms
 and 11
Pence
Use synonyms
/
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
 on
Pizza
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, among the low-income group,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular fast
food
Use synonyms
 item as they spend the highest money on
this
Linking Words
 (17
Pence
Use synonyms
 per week by an individual). Their expenditure on the
pizza
Use synonyms
 was only 6
Pence
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph,
people
Correct quantifier usage
more people
show examples
 ate
pizza
Use synonyms
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 any other fast
food
Use synonyms
 in 1970. UK citizens,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year, devoured more than 300
grams
Use synonyms
 of
pizza
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 consumed only 100
grams
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and
fish
Use synonyms
 &
chips
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
pizza
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 started declining and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only 200
grams
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1990.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the popularity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
500
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1990.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
also
Linking Words
 increased and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 300
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1990.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, consumption, person, pence, hamburger, fish, chips, pizza, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food industry
  • expenditure
  • demographics
  • consumer behavior
  • nutritional content
  • advertising campaigns
  • socio-economic status
  • health implications
  • dietary habits
  • processed foods
What to do next:
Look at other essays: