IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.

The chart below shows the amount of money per week spent on fast foods in Britain. The graph shows the trends in consumption of fast foods.
#amount #money #week #foods #britain #trends #consumption
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The graphs present data on the money spent by
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 on fast
food
 in 1990 and the
consumption
 of three junk
food
 items over 30 years. The expenditure is given to each
person
 in a week in
Pence
while
 the
consumption
 is presented in
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 per
person
. As is presented in the bar graph, in 1990, British people with a high - income range spent more than 40
Pence
 in a week on
Hamburger
 which was higher than that of other items. They spent only 16
pence
/
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
 on
Fish
 &
Chips
while
 around 18
pence
 on
Pizza
. Again,
Hamburger
 was the most popular item among the
medium income
Add a hyphen
medium-income
show examples
 class. They spent over 30
pence
 on
this
 item
while
 they spent only 25
Pence
 on
Fish
 &
Pizza
 and 11
Pence
/
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
 on
Pizza
.
Finally
, among the low-income group,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
 &
chips
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular fast
food
 item as they spend the highest money on
this
 (17
Pence
 per week by an individual). Their expenditure on the
pizza
 was only 6
Pence
.
According to
 the line graph,
people
Correct quantifier usage
more people
show examples
 ate
pizza
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 any other fast
food
 in 1970. UK citizens,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year, devoured more than 300
grams
 of
pizza
while
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 consumed only 100
grams
 of
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 and
fish
 &
chips
. The percentage of
pizza
consumption
 started declining and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only 200
grams
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1990.
On the contrary
, the popularity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fish
 and
chips
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
500
grams
 in 1990.
Finally
, the
consumption
 of
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
also
 increased and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 300
grams
 in 1990.
Submitted by lamvu1131 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, consumption, person, pence, hamburger, fish, chips, pizza, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food industry
  • expenditure
  • demographics
  • consumer behavior
  • nutritional content
  • advertising campaigns
  • socio-economic status
  • health implications
  • dietary habits
  • processed foods
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