The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#places #people #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons

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A glance at the bar graph provided reveals

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

places visited by various

people

living in Canada

people

such

as native Canadians, new

migrants

who

born

Add a missing verb

were born

show examples

English

-speaking

countries

and new

migrants

for whom

English

is not the first language in their country.

Overall

, it is evident that Canadians prefer the cinema to the theatre, but the library is popular among new

migrants

, which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

may reflect the financial circumstances of these new citizens. Looking at the figure in more detail, the cinema is by far the most popular for those with

English

as their first language — 70% native

people

while

migrants

from

English speaking

Add a hyphen

English-speaking

show examples

and

non-

Correct your spelling

non-English

show examples

English

speaking

countries

made up

Change preposition

apply

show examples

about 65% and 50% respectively. Turning to the immigrants from other

non-

Correct your spelling

non-English

show examples

English

speaking

countries

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are more interested in going to libraries, which is 55%,

however

, roughly 40% of the other two groups say they visit the library.

However

, the zoo is most famous among

English

-Speaking immigrants made up which made up about 50 %,

whereas

native Canadians and

non-

Correct your spelling

non-English

show examples

English

speaking

migrants

sum up to about 40% and 32% respectively.Turning to

further

information, the theatre is least popular for all type

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

with only 10% of non-

English

-speaking

migrants

attending which is exactly half the

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

Canada

Replace the word

Canadian

show examples

people

and here immigrants from

English

-speaking

countries

tops the list.

Submitted by shokhrukh95 on Tue May 19 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, migrants, countries, english with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

222 words

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