IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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A glance at the bar graph provided reveals
about
Change preposition
apply
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places visited by various
people
Use synonyms
 living in Canada
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as native Canadians, new
migrants
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
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 in
English
Use synonyms
-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 and new
migrants
Use synonyms
 for whom
English
Use synonyms
 is not the first language in their country.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that Canadians prefer the cinema to the theatre, but the library is popular among new
migrants
Use synonyms
, which
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may reflect the financial circumstances of these new citizens. Looking at the figure in more detail, the cinema is by far the most popular for those with
English
Use synonyms
 as their first language — 70% native
people
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
migrants
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
English speaking
Add a hyphen
English-speaking
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 and
non-
Correct your spelling
non-English
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English
Use synonyms
 speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 made up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 65% and 50% respectively. Turning to the immigrants from other
non-
Correct your spelling
non-English
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English
Use synonyms
 speaking
countries
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are more interested in going to libraries, which is 55%,
however
Linking Words
, roughly 40% of the other two groups say they visit the library.
However
Linking Words
, the zoo is most famous among
English
Use synonyms
-Speaking immigrants made up which made up about 50 %,
whereas
Linking Words
 native Canadians and
non-
Correct your spelling
non-English
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English
Use synonyms
 speaking
migrants
Use synonyms
 sum up to about 40% and 32% respectively.Turning to
further
Linking Words
 information, the theatre is least popular for all type
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 with only 10% of non-
English
Use synonyms
-speaking
migrants
Use synonyms
 attending which is exactly half the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
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people
Use synonyms
 and here immigrants from
English
Use synonyms
-speaking
countries
Use synonyms
 tops the list.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, migrants, countries, english with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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