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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

the graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
The graph
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 some data between
death
 and
birth
 in New Zealand from 1901 till to give information on the future 2021. From 1902 to 2001 the
line
 of
birth
 was biggest than
death
, indeed we can see that it was always among 20.00/ 50.00/ 70.00 births at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrary to the
line
 of
death
 which didn’t increase quickly like the black
line
, in fact
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1961 it rose till almost 70.00
birth
.
Whereas
 about the prevision
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 the situation will
be change
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 drastically because the grey
line
 will jump from almost 28.00
death
 in 2001
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 49.00
death
 in 2042, till
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 meet the
line
 of
birth
. In
brief
Add a comma
,brief
show examples
 we can see that the
line
 of
death
 will be to grow
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrary
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
line
 of
birth
 which
instead
 will
be decrease
Change the verb form
be decreased
show examples
. So we can confirm that in the future will be more
death
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
birth
.
Submitted by federicadideo on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words death, birth, line with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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