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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates how many males and females
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied in
full-time
Add an article
the full-time
a full-time
show examples
 and part-time discipline in the following years: 1970 to 1971, 1980 to 1981 and 1990 to 1991.
It is clear that
 in all three time
periods
Add a comma
,periods
show examples
 more people of both sexes were involved in part-time training than
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
.
Overall
 the total of men in
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 discipline rose from approximately 100
thousand
 to 200
thousand
,
whereas
 the number of men in part-time education was lower in the early nineties than twenty years earlier. As far as women are concerned, the numbers increased in both sectors of education. The number of part-time female students increased dramatically from 700
thousand
 to 1.2 million in the
twenty year
Add a hyphen
twenty-year
show examples
 period. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of women in
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 education went up more gradually from 100
thousand
 in 1971 to just over 200
thousand
 in 1991.
This
 was
similarly
 the increase for
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 male students.
To sum up
, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 women in both sectors increased significantly
while
 it seems that the rate of men entering part-time information decreased a little and was fluctuating
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fulltime, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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