The increase in the production of consumer goods causes damage to the natural environment, what are the reasons and what can we do to solve this problem?

#production #consumer #goods #damage #environment

In modern society, there are a number of factories and they would operate in a long time because the world population is higher. The reason why increase of the number of factories is many people consume stuffs. The

environment

pollution

are caused

Suggestion

is caused

by these

phenomenons

any state or process known through the senses rather than by intuition or reasoning

phenomena

such

as fine

dust

and global warming.

This

essay

will be discuss

Suggestion

will be discussed

this

problem's

reasons

Suggestion

reason

and solutions with some examples. The

environment

damaged selfish

Accept comma addition

damaged, selfish

of human, they achieve luxury lives.

Therefore

, the factories and company make more production for people who want to live

more comfortable

Suggestion

more comfortably

. The factories discharge dioxide and chemical wastes, it would cause

serious

Suggestion

serious environmental problems

serious environmental problem

a serious environmental problem

environment

problem.

For instance

, Korea

is affect

Suggestion

has affected

fine

dust

because Chinese

make

Suggestion

makes

many factories in their territory, many Koreans have to put on

mask

Suggestion

a mask

the mask

masks

when rate of fine

dust

is high. According to the report, fine

dust

has a serious effect on people's respiratory organs.

In addition

, these harmful object threats our eco-system. In order to

reslove

bring to an end; settle conclusively

resolve

the issue, they need the

government's

Suggestion

government

reguration

an authoritative rule

regulation

and international cooperation

such

as convention of

environment

. The solutions to

this

problem have to be very efficient and long term. One of

solution

Suggestion

the solution

is that governments and international organisations should strictly control the location of factories and the amount of wastages.

Then

, they should prohibit to

built

Suggestion

build

factories neary

Accept comma addition

factories, near

factories near

factories nearby

rivers, lakes.

In addition

, eco-friendly alternative fuels should be introduced

such

as solar power system. To conclude, it is undeniable fact that development

is damaged

Suggestion

has damaged

is damaging

damages

the

environment

Therefore

, we should make even a small effort to preserve the

environment

such

as recycling, reuse plastic bag and so on.

Submitted by dudntkd7 on Wed May 20 2020

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The increase in the production of consumer goods causes damage to the natural environment, what are the reasons and what can we do to solve this problem?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Nowadays most green lifestyle is becoming more and more popular in both developed and developing countries. Some argue it greatly is better for the environment. Others believe that changing one's lifestyle is too ambitious. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students. Discuss these views. Which view do you agree with? Explain why.

Topic: In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on society?

Traffic congestion is becoming more and more common in urban areas. What are the causes? What solutions can be adopted to solve this problem?