Multicultural societies, where people of different ethnic groups live together can bring more benefits than drawbacks to a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is surprising to signify the growth of

multiculturism

the doctrine that several different cultures (rather than one national culture) can coexist peacefully and equitably in a single country

multiculturalism

expanding in different parts of the world. Nowadays, different ethnic groups enjoy living together as a society and thereby facilitate more benefits. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the advantages regarding the multicultural societies would

outwiegh

be heavier than

outweigh

the perils. It would help in bringing up a unique and cooperating generation as well as reduce conflicts based on discrimination.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it would urge the upcoming generation to be a symbol of cooperation.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it would create a sense of happiness around the world. Cooperation would lead to advancement in both

technological

Suggestion

technology

and national aspects.

This

Linking Words

would

inturn

Suggestion

in turn

increase the income and living status of different ethnic groups in the society.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it would help decrease the amount of national conflicts.

For example

Linking Words

, the

first

Linking Words

female collector of Uttarpradesh was a backward class

women

Suggestion

woman

, who has taken a step forward to bring more

benifits

financial assistance in time of need

benefits

to the

economical

Suggestion

economic

development in India.

Additionally

Linking Words

, it would be a significant reason for reducing the feeling of dilemma for different ethnic groups on discrimination. Earlier, a certain group of people

were considered

Suggestion

was considered

to be discriminated from the others, resulting in verbal harassment and even a serious crime like killing. Various laws

has been introduced

Suggestion

have been introduced

to drop

this

Linking Words

point of view.

For instance

Linking Words

, in India

Accept space

the SC's, ST's and OBC's are given equal representation in politics as well as society related issues.

Oppurtunities

Suggestion

Opportunities

to vote have been their greatest achievements of all

beacuse

for the reason that; on account of

because

, earlier they were denied the right to vote. To conclude, people should curb

thier

of them or themselves

their

mentality and have a

sensation

Suggestion

sense

of unity. It would bring more benefits than drawbacks because, the more

united we

Accept comma addition

united, we

stay, the more we are strong.

vinu_vmv

May 24, 2020

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Multicultural societies, where people of different ethnic groups live together can bring more benefits than drawbacks to a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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