IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Science tells us that some activities are good for our health while some others are bad. Dispite knowing that millions of people all over the world continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is the case and what might be done to change it

#science #activities #health #dispite #millions #people #world #case #change
The problem of who will pay education and
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 cost for dwellers has been a controversial topic in
this
 day and age. While there is a school of thought that individuals should be bear these
cots
pecuniary reimbursement to the winning party for the expenses of litigation
costs
 themselves, many other people hold the belief that it should be
pay
Suggestion
paid
 by
national budget
Suggestion
the national budget
. In
this
 essay, I will be elaborating on both the advantages and
disavantages
the quality of having an inferior or less favorable position
disadvantages
 of the trend as well as giving my stance. On the one hand, opponents of the idea claim that it may lead to in a number of
advantage
Suggestion
advantages
. It can’t be
dinied
declare untrue; contradict
denied
 that if inhabitants pay will be more responsible for taking care health of
themself
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
 as well as improving their literacy. It is undeniable that healthcare – related expenses, if pay on their own will make them stay away from health – damaging habit
such
 as
.
Accept space
.
Similarly
, if education offered free, it will not appreciate the value of education, student will not attend classes regularly.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that the idea may bring about numerous significant benefits. In a little more detail, basic needs and improving the well being of its citizens is the top priority of each government.
Moreover
, if government
pay
Suggestion
pays
 for these costs, they will have skilled labour workforce in the future and decrease rates
such
 as felonies, unemployment. All of
things
Suggestion
the things
 above will contribute back to the affluence of the country because more able to land a job.
Althought
Suggestion
Although
 many people disagree, I am still of the opinion that they are outweighed by the positive that are offered overshadowed.
Submitted by doanthuy1511 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: