IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
To us, the time is limited. So, we need to carefully plan how we will spend our dates and through
this
 strategy, we have to make our life meaningful. There are two opinions about the way to spend the time.
Hence
 In
this
 essay, I will
analyze
consider in detail and subject to an analysis in order to discover essential features or meaning
analyse
 about these two opinions and will suggest my view at the conclusion. On the one hand, some individuals argue that dedicating the time for a success in their field is
most vital
Suggestion
more vital
 than others. They point out that the successful career can satisfy the things that they want in their
living
Suggestion
lives
.
For instance
, Most of people receive the low salary when they are
firstly
 employed. So they want to make the money and have the power to live more happily and comfortably. For
this
, they have to devote the efforts
to
Suggestion
in
 their field to get much better
skills
Suggestion
skill
.
Therfore they
Accept comma addition
Therefore, they
Therefore they
 might assume that spending dates with friends and family is meaningless.
On the other hand
, several people suggest that belonging
with
Suggestion
to
 friends and family is more important than developing the career. They emphasize the stress from the workplace. Actually, according to a recent study, many employees get stress from their company and it leads to the
physics
Suggestion
physical
 illness and mental disease.
However if
Accept comma addition
However, if
 they hang out with their relatives, the depression will be converted and they feel relaxed. To conclude, while people may vary in their opinions, I strongly support that investing the life with friends and family is more necessary as the aspect of health. And through it, they can get the balance between the work and life.
Submitted by bjsean on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: