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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
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The bar charts illustrate
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
students
Use synonyms
did
Correct pronoun usage
who did
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 not
work
Use synonyms
 full time
both
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graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 after finishing college in 2008. What stands out from the graph
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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further
Linking Words
 study registered the most student
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
both
Use synonyms
UK
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 graduates and postgraduates in 2008,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 had the lowest student
numbers
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 of them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 witness
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
UK
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 graduates and postgraduates. As can be seen from the graph, the
further
Linking Words
 study
numbers
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Use synonyms
 graduates and
postgraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
postgraduates
show examples
come
Add the particle
tocome
show examples
 top
Change preposition
of a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rankings in 2008, followed by part-time
work
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.
Further
Linking Words
 study
numbers
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 of
UK
Use synonyms
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
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 accounted for just under 30.000 and approximately 2.500 respectively. The
second
Linking Words
number
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considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
 to
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 part, which has
Use synonyms
Change the article
a number
the number
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above just 16.000 and 1.600. The lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 and
postgruduate
Correct your spelling
post graduates
 were shown by
voluntary
Correct article usage
the voluntary
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 section, which stood at about 3.500 and 345 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 and
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 made up
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
17,725 and 16,235 respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 constitute
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2,535 and 1,625.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words numbers, students, work, both, graduate, uk, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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