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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie
charts
Use synonyms
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 the percentages in regular
meals
Use synonyms
 of three different types of nutrients, all of them might not be healthy if eaten
careless
Change the adjective
carelessly
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that
dinner
Use synonyms
 and lunch
meals
Use synonyms
are contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
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 percentages for both sodium and saturated fat.
However
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 which was consumed
on
Change preposition
during
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 snack time was considerably higher than
other
Change preposition
at other
show examples
meals
Use synonyms
. Looking at the sodium and saturated fat
charts
Use synonyms
, it is evident that 43% of people consumed sodium-based
meals
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
, which was the highest proportion for these pie
charts
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of saturated fat which was consumed
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 stood at 37%. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
saturated fat consumption, 16% of saturated fat
consumed
Add a missing verb
is consumed
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on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 breakfast. 14% of sodium
eaten
Add a missing verb
was eaten
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 during snack and breakfast, which were the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 for these
charts
Use synonyms
. Turning to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 which was consumed during snack time stood at 42%.
However
Linking Words
,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
dinner
Use synonyms
 and lunch was 23%, and 19%, respectively. The lowest proportion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption was
breakfast
Change preposition
at breakfast
show examples
 time with 16%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words charts, meals, dinner, percentage, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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