IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
There a
re
Suggestion
is
a lot of dispute about b
usinesses role
Suggestion
the businesses' role
businesses' role
business role
business's role
in developing society. In my view, I think that I agree that businessmen should
also
 take responsibilities f
or
Suggestion
in
society. Economic growth activities are very important for a country. If companies make a lot of
money
, they pay more taxes for government revenue. The authorities can use these taxes to spend on building facilities including schools, hospitals, road,…
Therefore
, people get advantages from b
usinesses
Suggestion
business
taxes and have wealthier life. When businesses make
money
 can expand so it can provide more jobs for nearby residents and contribute to decrease u
nemploymen rate
Suggestion
the unemployment rate
unemployment rate
in c
ountry.
Suggestion
the country
 Not only businesses make
m
oney but
Accept comma addition
money, but
also
 play a
Suggestion
an
important role in social responsibilities. Businesses must not harm the environment when developing business activities. There are a lot of macro problems which are relevant to businesses including g
obal
involving the entire earth; not limited or provincial in scope
global
warming from factory emissions, responsible disposal of waste,... In the Paris agreement a
bout
Suggestion
on
climate change, g
overments
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
governments
o
n
Suggestion
of
the world agree that c
outries
a politically organized body of people under a single government
countries
should reduce the amount of factory emissions in production activities. The most important element to make
this
 agreement successful is b
usinesses role.
Suggestion
a businesses' role
businesses' role
business role
 Corporations are
also
 responsible for d
isposal
Suggestion
disposing
of waste. Businesses should improve the awareness of environmental protection. Firms have to recycle and use waste treatment methods to protect the environment.
Furthermore
, businesses which make profits should put
money
 back into the community through charity and financial scholarships. There are many charity activities which were conducted by businesses
such
 as Microsoft and Vinamilk. These c
harity
Suggestion
charities
contributed to develop society and help many people overcome obstacles.
Submitted by Tan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
What to do next:
Look at other essays: