IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience.

#families #change
The today’s family-life changed a lot. Many parents are
divorce
Suggestion
divorced
, a lot of mothers and fathers have their job’s far away from home. The children are often alone and
lonley
lacking companions or companionship
lonely
...
Accept space
...
but
Suggestion
But
 what are the reasons for
this
 happening?
First
 of all, I think that the modern technology is one of the main
reason
Suggestion
reasons
 for
this
 problem. Many parents
work
 in their nearest cities from their home. They
work
 with computer in big offices and came home late at night.
However
, they have no
time
 to look after their children. In the past, families used to
work
 "as a family". Every member worked hard and helped the family to
survife
continue to live through hardship or adversity
survive
,
for example
 farmers.
Furthermore
, the education used to be
controled
restrained or managed or kept within certain bounds
controlled
 by the parents, not like today’s day-schools with teachers and professors.
On the other hand
, there must be a solution to bring
separeted
being or feeling set or kept apart from others
separated
separate
 families together. At my point of view, families should spend their free
time
 together. I am thinking about weekends or the
time
 after
work
. Children need their parents even when they are older. To give a reasonable example: I often go out with my parents, mostly for a dinner.
Then
 my brother and I speak about our future plans or something else. An
intensiv
characterized by a high degree or intensity; often used as a combining form
intensive
 conversation is a possible solution. A similar way is, to divide your job into half-part
work
-times and spend your free
time
 leftover with your loved persons. A point against
this
 statement is to have financial problems. To sum up I wish that every family is as close as possible with each other, if they like that.
Submitted by Cagri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: