IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that schools should remove non-academic
subjects
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such
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 as music and sports from (the educational/
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
) syllabus so that
students
Use synonyms
 will focus on academic fields which are helpful for their professions.
While
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 it is true that intellectual
subjects
Use synonyms
 are important, I do not believe that fully concentrating on teaching academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 at school is a good idea.
Firstly
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, from the
health
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 point of view, non-academic activities are helpful not only for
students
Use synonyms
’ physical
health
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 but
also
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 their mental
health
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.
For instance
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, after studying and sitting in compulsory classes for the whole morning, it is better for
students
Use synonyms
 to do some outdoor or art activities
such
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 as dancing,
playing
Correct word choice
or playing
show examples
 basketball to get rid of stress.
As a result
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, their learning ability and concentration in the afternoon will be improved. Focusing only on the academic area is not only harmful to student’s
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 makes their capability decrease.
Secondly
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, not all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 need to be excellent at academic
subjects
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 to achieve success in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
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, there is no point
getting
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in getting
show examples
 A grades unnecessarily in science-related
subjects
Use synonyms
 if a person wants to become a singer or a footballer. By encouraging
students
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 to engage in extra-curricular activities, schools can bring out their hidden talents in other fields.
This
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 will help not only the
students
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 but
also
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 the society since that creates
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 diversity of
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 and enhances the division of labour. In conclusion, I disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 argument that focusing only on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 is more helpful than non-academic fields for
students
Use synonyms
 in developing their future careers.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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