IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some TV programmes, video of violent games and other leisure activities are harmful for children. How harmful they are? What can be done to solve these problems?

#tv #programmes #video #games #leisure #activities #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the shift in mainstream media towards animation. Many
video
Use synonyms
 game developers have been under the radar for developing violent games which are dangerous for children's mental
health
Use synonyms
. The effect of shooting to blood bathes
video
Use synonyms
 games on
children's mind
Suggestion
the child's mind
child's mind
a child's mind
 result in
first
Linking Words
, aggressive behaviour and
second
Linking Words
, deteriorating
health
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, parents should spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their kids and
also
Linking Words
 initiate them to participate in outdoor activities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
video
Use synonyms
 games are meant for entertainment. But recently, the gaming industry has seen the rise in demand for action-based games, due to which a change in young children's behaviour has been found and being aggressive is
new normal
Suggestion
the new normal
a new normal
 for the students. Many feel, because of movies and social media, children are getting inclined towards hostility,
this
Linking Words
 shift
in change has led
Suggestion
change has led
 to poor
health
Use synonyms
 as well.
For example
Linking Words
, in one study in the United States found out that children who play action games tend to be more aggressive and have eating disorders in comparison to their counterparts.
Therefore
Linking Words
, action games seriously damage one's brain function and decline heath.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if parents can give
time
Use synonyms
 to their kids and participate in their school assignments, things can improve drastically. Another solution is to appreciate kids to indulge in physical fitness. That means, more
time
Use synonyms
 kids spend outside, it encourages in building character and
make
engage in
do
 not them mentally but
also
Linking Words
 physically tough.
This
Linking Words
 essay discussed the effect of
video
Use synonyms
 games on young
children
Suggestion
children's
child's
child
 behaviour and affect mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, if parents can spend
time
Use synonyms
 along with encouraging them to take part in sports can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by Rahul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: