IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Shopping has become a new favorite pastime for the younger generation. Why is this the case? Should we encourage them to develop other hobbies too?

#pastime #generation #case #hobbies
In today's life, people, especially youngsters, are spending more of their spare
time
 in doing shopping and it has become one of their common hobby.
This
 essay will examine the reasons for
this
 situation, and in the latter half, will discuss the importance of other crucial skills that they should possess. To start with
,
Accept space
,
the major reason for
this
 situation is easy availability of disposable income in the hands of young people. Nowadays, everyone prefers to earn income at a very young age and so kids get into some part -
time
 jobs along with their studies, which
further
 influence them to spend
this
 fund as they want.
Moreover
,
Accept space
,
attractive deals, discounts and other lavish services like cafes
,
Accept space
,
restaurants, theatres, shopping malls persuade them to spend their salary
in
Suggestion
on
 buying new stuff.
For instance
, college students usually prefer to meet with their friends in some shopping streets or malls where they can all services at one place.
On the other hand
, they need to learn the importance of
time
 and get into other productive activities
instead
 of just roaming around and spending money.
Firstly
,
at
Suggestion
At
 the young age, it is imperative for them to equip themselves in various skill sets and nurture a habit of reading different books as it might help them in their future career growth. To exemplify, there are various online courses available which they can choose to enrol as per their interest and field of study.
Secondly
, getting involved in doing some physical exercises is
also
 very beneficial for them to understand the importance of having good health.
Thus
, there are few other options except the shopping which can nurture their future in a much better way than just spending their
time
 in shopping. To conclude, children have developed a habit of spending their money and
time
 on retail outlets, whereas, they should make use of their free
time
 getting involved in activities which can help them to grow and learn in a much better way.
Submitted by Shweta Sirohi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: