IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #workplace #reason
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It is some extent true that
eldery
advanced in years; ('aged' is pronounced as two syllables)
elderly
older
elders
 employees are not much attentive and responsive to fast growing world at the advanced
work
Use synonyms
 place. Many people believe that younger workers are more
demanded
Suggestion
demanding
 in current era.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree with the views due to following reasons. The staffs who already passed 50 years in the same company; they are more liable and have lots of experiences and seen the past very hardly.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are the pillars at
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
. They know to maintain the relationship with co-workers very well. They can handle any pressure at the firm and very
decisive
Suggestion
decisively
decidedly
decide
 in their
work
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they will not have much knowledge or new ideas in line with new technology
,
Accept space
,
 procedures or system.
This
Linking Words
 could be due to their health issues or age factor.
In addition
Linking Words
, their mind could not accept more information of any new changes due to
tireness
temporary loss of strength and energy resulting from hard physical or mental work
tiredness
 or monotonous nature. In 2020, as per research conducted by Cambridge university
,
Accept space
,
more than 50% employers agree that workers over 50 are asset and they always
happly
in a joyous manner
happily
apply
work
Use synonyms
 till end with
same productivity
Suggestion
the same productivity
. In contrary, younger staffs are very well educated with latest updates. They are dynamic in nature and usually follow up all the latest information related to science, new patents, blogs or inventions. They might be very helpful to
community
Suggestion
the community
. Obviously, they are more efficient and
workholic
person with a compulsive need to work
workaholic
.
However
Linking Words
, they can not handle much pressure or deadline. They always focus on their career path and
therefore
Linking Words
 not much reliable for
organisation
Suggestion
organising
. As per Times
magazie
a periodic publication containing pictures and stories and articles of interest to those who purchase it or subscribe to it
magazine
 article published in August 2019; the attrition rate in younger was very high in
Tata Motors Company
Suggestion
the Tata Motors Company
 in India. In a nutshell, I do not agree that any firm should ignore old aged people because of lack of new suggestions or ideas. Sometimes it happens that they are slow in feedback or action
to
Suggestion
in
 their
work
Use synonyms
place but
Accept comma addition
place, but
 that does not mean that they are useless.
Submitted by ahv on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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