Being a celebrity such as a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

In the present scenario, education is the necessity of time. Undoubtedly, an abundant number of students are graduating from colleges every year. Some people think that there should be less focus on higher
studies whereas
Accept comma addition
studies, whereas
others believe that
this
emphasis is essential for the welfare of society. It seems to me that
university
studies have a vital role to play in the future. I will elucidate my view point and discuss the opposite view in the following paragraphs. To start with, many individuals think that more than enough graduates contribute to unemployment, which
further
leads to drug addiction and psychological woes
etcetera
.
For instance
- if a well educated person would not get a suitable job,
then
he will be depressed and might be
indulge
Suggestion
indulged
indulging
in bad company to overcome his unpleasant emotions.
Next
to it, the individuals might believe that if younger people spend many years of their lives in studies,
then
they will get married after 30
year
Suggestion
years
of their age. As a consequence, getting pregnant can be tricky.
on
Suggestion
On
the flip side,
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
part of society says that a plenty of emphasis on
university
education will bring
plethoric
favourable changes to the world. As per view, it is difficult to survive in
such
a competitive era without higher qualification. As
university
studies produce
sense
Suggestion
a sense
of responsibility and give experience and wisdom to graduates to distinguish good from bad.
For example
- with
university
, students explore more about the surroundings and make wise decisions after weighing bright and dark side of the situation.
Moreover
,
this
emphasis attracts many employment opportunities which assist the persons to raise the standard of their lives. In
nutshell
Suggestion
a nutshell
, I would like to say, though the more focus on college studies has some inimical
effects but
Accept comma addition
effects, but
these effects can be outweighed by its positives. I think,
high
Suggestion
highly
qualified individuals have more calibre to make the world better.
Submitted by ales on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Turn your IELTS writing into band 7+
Instantly see mistakes you've made and learn how to avoid them.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Improve your writing score in 2 weeks
Writing9 scans your text for all types of mistakes, from typos to sentence structure problems and beyond.