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Writing Samples
Band 5

Subjects like arts, music and drama are more important than other school subjects and therefore should be give more time in the calendar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is irrefutable to say that for the holistic development of the
students
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, schools must have a perfect mix of academic
as well as
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non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
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subjects
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. Some people argue that it should be mandatory for all the institutes to include
subjects
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such
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 as music, acting and creative writing. I completely agree with the above notion as learning these
subjects
Use synonyms
 will enhance their creative
skills
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, and they will get
much needed
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much-needed
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 break from their studies.
To begin
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 with, having extracurricular
subjects
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 like dancing, arts and creative writing in the educational institution will help them enormously.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
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students
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 learn
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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subjects
Use synonyms
, it enables them to develop creative, thinking, and imaginative
skills
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, which
ultimately
Add a missing verb
is ultimately
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 beneficial for them
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
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 their academic
subjects
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.
For instance
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, in recent studies, it has been found that it is easier for a student with higher imagination capabilities to solve a complex mathematical problem.
Additionally
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, some children are blessed with artistic
skills
Use synonyms
 so the classes will give them a platform where they can nourish their
skills
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 and perfect them.
In addition
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 to that, having
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
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subjects
Use synonyms
 in the academy helps
students
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 to alleviate the academic pressure. These
subjects
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 give
students
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 a
much needed
Add a hyphen
much-needed
show examples
 break from their regular academic curriculum
subjects
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. Undoubtedly, competition among
students
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 has increased which can sometimes lead to stress.
For instance
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, nowadays in order to surpass their peers, and maintain their position in the academy,
students
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 have to work harder and finish their part on time.
Hence
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, it creates a lot of stress and tension in teenagers.
Therefore
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, it has become imperative for both teachers and parents to give children some extra time which helps them to relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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. In conclusion, including drama, arts, and creative writing in
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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students
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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reap rich benefits by strengthening their thinking
skills
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 and relaxing their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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;
therefore
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, it should be a compulsory part of the school syllabus.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. This will strengthen your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
positive
Your introduction provides a clear overview of your opinion on the topic.
positive
You have good topic sentences that outline the main ideas in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • cultural awareness
  • emotional well-being
  • social skills
  • globalized world
  • balanced curriculum
  • STEM skills
  • foundational
  • career paths
  • problem-solving
  • diverse backgrounds
  • mental health
  • economic trends
  • participation
  • creative outlet
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