IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#school #university #people #job #career #love #salary
In recent years, a plethora amount of the people
obtain
Suggestion
obtains
 their
career which
Accept comma addition
career, which
 interests them rather than choosing work with high pays. I strongly espouse with the statement,
hence
this
 essay will discuss the value of opting right path as soon as you graduates.
First
 and foremost, High
pay
Suggestion
paying
 jobs
comes
Suggestion
come
 with
surplus amout
Suggestion
a surplus amount
surplus amount
 of pressure. The organizations who hires an individual with big salaries,
also
 expect them to work
back-breaking
characterized by effort to the point of exhaustion; especially physical effort
backbreaking
.
Initially
, it will help to sustain all amenities.
Consequantly
Suggestion
Consequently
, in
long period
Suggestion
a long period
 of time, high volume of mental pressure can adversely
effect
have an effect upon
affect
 individuals health, state of mind and can
also
 cause depression.
On the other hand
, dream job can have a
reasnable
showing reason or sound judgment
reasonable
 low pay,
however
, doing what you love will always
tempting
Suggestion
tempt
. And it
will mettle
Accept comma addition
will, mettle
 your chance of success in the future.
For example
, a young guitarist
wont
will not
won't
 earn much in the
begning
the event consisting of the start of something
beginning
Benin
 of his career, but if he is good, he will
definatley
without question and beyond doubt
definitely
 earn better in
future
Suggestion
the future
 on the basis of his talent
.
Accept space
.
 To conclude, opting
career according
Accept comma addition
career, according
 to your passion, is better and peaceful. Rather than running after high paying jobs, which can lead to bad health and negative frame of mind.
Submitted by varun arora on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: