Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

I agree with

this

topic. In my

opinion I

Accept comma addition

opinion, I

think that

music

can join

anypeople

Suggestion

any people

who has different culture

togethr

in contact with each other or in proximity

together

Music

can make a relationship between people all around the world.

Although

it has different

rhytum but

Accept comma addition

rhythm, but

rhythm but

when

definite article

the

people who listen to

music

, their feeling will be better. For the example the woman who will be

mom

Suggestion

a mom

the mom

in the

future she

Accept comma addition

future, she

can

use

music

to join between

mom

and her baby. I have known about how to make the patients feel better and some cases of the patients in the hospital, the doctors will

use

music

for them. When they patients listen to

music

(

solf

free from danger or the risk of harm

safe

soft

soulful

music

) it makes them feel better. And now we don't

use

music

only human we can

use

it with animals and plants too.

Music

can make us feel better,

although

we are different ages, nationalities and culture. When we like the same kind of

music

. We can join and listen together. One more

example I

Accept comma addition

example, I

have

friend

Suggestion

a friend

friends

and he is

foreigner

Suggestion

a foreigner

. He is around 25 years old.

Suggestion

likes to go anywhere with me and he likes to listen Thai song, especially song for life. He tries to practice to sing

Thi

definite article

the

this

song and he can do it. Now he can sing many Thai songs. Including I think

music

has some power to make

human's mind

Suggestion

a human's mind

. And it can make good relationship between people who has different ages, cultures and

nationalites

people having common origins or traditions and often comprising a nation

nationalities

Submitted by fatimah on Tue Jun 23 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

237 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many parents think that it is a good idea to teach the children about money. Why do you think it is important to teach them about money? What is the best way to teach children about money?

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.