IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. • Do you agree or disagree? • Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit #answers
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There is a view that it is
unproper
not suitable or right or appropriate
improper
 to set common retirement age, without taking into account the working conditions of
employee
Suggestion
employment
. In
this
Linking Words
 case the pilots and mining workers and other
indviduals
a human being
individuals
 with
severe working enviroment
Suggestion
a severe working environment
severe working environment
 should have the different pension scheme, which will allow them to
recieve
get something; come into possession of
receive
 pension at
earlier age
Suggestion
an earlier age
earlier ages
. It's clear that some professions cause greater risks for mental and physical health.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who work in factories, during their production process a considerable number of toxic substances are exude
.
Accept space
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, certain occupations include physical power and senior people usually unable to do
same amount
Suggestion
the same amount
 of job as they did when they are
were
Suggestion
being
 younger. Particularly, civil aviation
engeener
a person who uses scientific knowledge to solve practical problems
engineer
 or cardio surgeon
have
Suggestion
has
 more responsibilities and duties than
simple office worker
Suggestion
the simple office worker
a simple office worker
. On another hand, it's
extremly
to a high degree or extent; favorably or with much respect
extremely
 hard to choose
criterias
a basis for comparison; a reference point against which other things can be evaluated
criteria
 for "hard occupation" because of the each job
require
Suggestion
requires
 unique skills and
talants
natural abilities or qualities
talents
.
In other
Linking Words
words every
Accept comma addition
words, every
 profession has some features which are hard to commit. The simple task
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning might be considerably
tough
Suggestion
tougher
 to
achive
to gain with effort
achieve
 for some individual due to his personal qualities.
Finally
Linking Words
, we should take into account the conditions of work, because as each of us
recieve
get something; come into possession of
receive
different salary which
Suggestion
different salaries, which
different salaries which
a different salary which
 depends on the contribution to the
common wealth
the official name of some states in the United States (Massachusetts and Pennsylvania and Virginia and Kentucky) and associated territories (Puerto Rico)
commonwealth
, so the pension age should be determined
according their job
Suggestion
according to their job
.
Submitted by A on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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