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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, some emloyers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

These days, people who have graduated from prestigious universities with high academic degrees are more preferable by
recruiters
Use synonyms
 seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
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new
novices
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talent
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 has both positive and negative impacts on society. On the one hand, formal
qualifications
Use synonyms
 are the obvious evidence to assert themselves to
recruiters
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. First of all, in many professions
–
Punctuation problem
,
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For instance
Linking Words
, a teacher teaching a foreign language, he or she must primarily qualify for the job by achieving feats
such
Linking Words
 as passing IELTS exams with flying colours or other certificates relevant to their field.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in jurisprudence, to become an attorney or a judge, students must acquire some compulsory certificates before applying for any
relative
Correct word choice
relevant
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 position. All of
this
Linking Words
 means that in an academic or a philosophical environment,
in particular
Linking Words
, a large scope of theoretical knowledge with formal academic
qualifications
Use synonyms
 is more predominant compared to hands-on experience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some careers have a priority for practical skills. Set
bartender
Correct article usage
a bartender
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 as an example, a bartender only needs the skill of mixing drinks for
customers
Punctuation problem
customers,
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while
Linking Words
 other university degrees are not
compelled
Verb problem
required
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if applying for the bartender position with years of experience, the applicants will have a very attractive salary.
In addition
Linking Words
, manual workers, particularly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in Vietnam,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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do not need to acquire many
qualifications
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 which are implicitly superfluous
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 their experience is more
of
Change preposition
apply
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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importance
Replace the word
important
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 to the
recruiters
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. But in order to get promoted to a higher position, people with formal
qualifications
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 are more likely to be taken into consideration. In conclusion, people acquiring formal
qualifications
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 might not be the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
ultimate option for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recruiters
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. But so as to broaden career prospects and get a better wage, formal
qualifications
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 are needed.

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improvement
Your answer shows both good and bad sides, but you do not give a clear reason why this happens. State one clear reason and give your view on it at the end.
structure
Use one idea in each paragraph. Start with a small topic line, then add a short example.
linking
Link ideas with simple joins like first, also, but, so, then.
planning
Plan a short map before you write. This will help you keep the plan.
examples
Give more real world examples that fit the idea you talk about and keep the story short.
idea
You show both sides and say it can be both good and bad.
example
You use clear points like teacher, lawyer, bartender as examples.
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