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Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Employees and self-employed: by sex and occupation, 1992

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Employees and self-employed: by sex and occupation, 1992
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Given are the pie charts that illustrate two patterns of employment, namely manual and non-manual, by sex and occupation in Great Britain in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 working non-manually is greater than that of those who work in manual occupations, and the reverse is true for
men
Use synonyms
. In the non-manual occupations,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 working clerically or relatedly is much greater than that of
men
Use synonyms
 (31% to 6%), the proportion of the former employed in managerial and professional positions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 smaller than
men
Use synonyms
's one.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 who work non-manually is slightly larger than that of
men
Use synonyms
, 69% and 48%, respectively. In manual employment, it can be obviously seen from the chart that the segments of the two genders working as craft workers are
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 differences.
While
Linking Words
 the number of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 makes up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3%,
this
Linking Words
 figure for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 is 24%.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are only 1% of those two sexes doing other forms of manual work is nearly the same, with 27% of
women
Use synonyms
 and 26% of
men
Use synonyms
. (174 words)

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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