Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

It is a fact that nowadays, a lot of children we see are addicted to
computers
due to
the gigantic number of
games
, and they hardly
spare
Add a missing verb
have spare
show examples
time for outdoor activities. There are a lot of reasons to bolster
this
view, and some visible influences too. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aspects are explained in
ensuring
Verb problem
the concluding
show examples
paragraph. Discussing the reasons, the most common one is keeping the young at home is the availability of
computers
.
This
is because
computers
are very cheap these days and almost every house has one,
this
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them computer freak since many
games
’ software are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
built
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
computer and they can play unlimited version of the same game. The other cause is parents avoid children they feel if they are busy with
computers
, they can do other household stuff.
Also
, they never bother to see, what they are doing
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Or how many hours they are spending. By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
I mean that they never
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
pushed by them to spare time for some physical work or sports which is entirely necessary for them.
For example
,
according to
research in America on
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average a child takes 6 hours of sleep and
devote
Correct subject-verb agreement
devotes
show examples
6 hours
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
school,
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
they spend on technology for playing
games
.
As a result
, they become addicted and feel outdoor
games
are tiring and require a lot of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
. The mentioned causes have some potential impacts too. The first in foremost effect is seen with their eyes, they often
complaints
Replace the word
complain
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
eye pain which is
due to
excessive use of electronic
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
. The other repercussion is obesity since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
no body movement is involved.
In addition
to
this
many
youngster
Change to a plural noun
youngsters
show examples
pass by depression, since they isolate
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
in one room and do not interact with anyone may lead to mental problems.
For example
, my nephew got spectacles and when he tested his doctor said its so weak that he
may
Replace the word
might
show examples
lose his eyesight, it was all started with excessive use of laptops and he was so addicted to
games
that he
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started his own YouTube
games
blogger.
Moreover
, it's true to say that it's dangerous since its
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
on human health is deadly.
Thus
,
to conclude
the topic, it can be
finally
commented that
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
of
computers
has detrimental effects if not used in a balanced way. So, we should galvanize our children to participate more in outdoor activities and
this
is possible when we put our efforts and time
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
them.
Submitted by roz jivani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are well-structured to provide a clear overview and summary of the essay. Also, focus on organizing ideas in a logical sequence to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt, presents clear and comprehensive ideas, and provides relevant specific examples to support the arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: