IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #countries #work #people #children #benefit #life
Nowadays
,
Accept space
,
 a number of families immigrate to abroad because they
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
 that oversea have more job opportunities in
compar
Suggestion
comparison
compare
 of own country.
as
Suggestion
As
matter
Suggestion
a matter
 of fact
,
Accept space
,
 children from these families will face both pros and cons. On one hand, there is no question about it that moving abroad will give children a better opportunity for
theire
of them or themselves
their
there
education specially
Accept comma addition
education, especially
education especially
 if they
immigrate
leave one's country of residence for a new one
emigrate
 to developed countries
such
 as, America
,
Accept space
,
England
,
Accept space
,
Japan and so forth.
their
Suggestion
Their
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
have
Suggestion
has
 more attention
on
Suggestion
to
education program
Suggestion
the education program
.
besides
Suggestion
Besides
,
Accept space
,
children
Suggestion
the children
 will face new culture and learning about history and custom can be very
funney
arousing or provoking laughter
funny
 and informative.
another
Suggestion
Another
 thing working abroad would offer them better working opportunity to earn money and raise their children better.
as
Suggestion
As
result their
Accept comma addition
result, their
 children will have
better living comdition
Suggestion
better living conditions
better living condition
a better living condition
 to develop.
On the other hand
 moving to another country have some
nagative
characterized by or displaying negation or denial or opposition or resistance; having no positive features
negative
 effect on children
,
Accept space
,
for example
, struggle with new language which maybe
thay
people in general
they
that
 can not manage it or a group of children get
depression which
Accept comma addition
depression, which
 the main causes is
get
Suggestion
getting
 away from their friends or some of them can not get along with a new culture and condition. In my point of view transfer to other countries have several
benefit
Suggestion
benefits
 and
darwback
the quality of being a hindrance
drawback
, in my opinion at
first maybe
Accept comma addition
first, maybe
 children have some
problem bUt
Accept comma addition
problem, but
problem but
 after while they get along with
new situation
Suggestion
new situations
the new situation
a new situation
 and they understand that in future
,
Accept space
,
 the benefit more than
drawback
Suggestion
a drawback
.
Submitted by mojtaba hz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: