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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be a disadvantage when it comes to paying and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

#spite #advances #women #education #employment #promotion #equality #opportunity #men #workplace
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People have different views about how men and women
work
. Women in modern society often have better capacities than we thought. So achieving gender
equality
 is considered to be an essential factor for
growth
Suggestion
the growth
 of any organization.
This
 essay will discuss
promotion
Suggestion
the promotion
 of gender
equality
 which should be shaped in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
. Personally, I completely agree with
establish
Suggestion
establishing
 policies to promote gender
equality
 is a great idea.
First
 thing
first
, establish a policy which ensures
both
 men and women have
equality
 from performing the same
work
. By that mean,
both
 should be
equal
Suggestion
equally
pay
Suggestion
paid
. Pay should be reliant on job role. Because sometimes women
work
 harder than men in a same working
environment but
Accept comma addition
environment, but
 they are still paid as less as daily
work
. On
another hand
Suggestion
the other hand
other hand
, sexual harassment needs to be identified and immediately stopped in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
. In my views, women are often blamed when they suffer that kind of harassment in their institutions and
it
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 impacts to their mentality.
This
 should be forbidden in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
.
However
, businesses can make a comfortable working environment for
both
 men and women. Everyone has their own life and everything needs to be balanced. Especially women find it difficult to reach their career goals while they have to give their mind to caring their children. Businesses need to allow
both
 men and women balance their
work
 lives with their personal lives. So that they can have a better life and easier to
work
. Conclusion, there is a glass ceiling to break. It is hard to say women can't do a thing
this
 day. We have to change every day to make
this
 world growing without any sexist.
Submitted by Bunny Chan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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