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Writing Samples
Band 5

percentage of overweight children in western countries have increased by 20% in the last 10 years. is technology to be blamed

The
last
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 ten years have witnessed various developments in terms of technology and interventions
This
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 has led to a dramatic
increase
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 in the business of fast
food
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 chains and restaurants.
Therefore
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, it is not a surprise that the percentage of overweight children in western countries have increased by 20% in the
last
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 10 years.
This
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 essay will discuss how the development of technology and busy
lifestyle
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 has led to an unhealthy
lifestyle
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 and an
increase
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 in the BMI of the children in
developed
Suggestion
developing
 nations, posing a major problem: Obesity. Technology can be a
blessing but
Accept comma addition
blessing, but
also
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 a curse at the same time. With the development of smart phones (Apple and Android) the use of applications (“apps”) has become so common. Every necessity, including home delivery of
food
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 items at your doorstep has become
such
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 an accessible idea. Applications
such
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 as “
uber
at a higher position than
over
eats
Suggestion
eating
eat
” and “skip the dishes” come to the rescue when individuals are unable to cook.
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This
Suggestion
Thus
,
although
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 being a choice has now become an unhealthy habit for many families; leading to an
increase
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 in the percentage of households ordering
food
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 “online”.
Moreover
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, with a busy
lifestyle
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 in
developed
Suggestion
developing
 nations, it is becoming a difficult task for families to have a “healthy home cooked meal” on many days.
Therefore
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,
uber
at any time
ever
 eats is now becoming one of the most used applications in
order
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 to
order
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food
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. Children from
such
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 families, where both the parents have a busy work life;
order
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food
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 from these applications. Since fast
food
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 chains
such
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 as McDonalds and KFC are the fastest to deliver, people tend to
order
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 the most from these chains. The increased amount of cholesterol and fat in these
food
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 items are unhealthy and since it is now becoming a regular habit; Obesity and overweight are common.
Also
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, another important aspect of
increase
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 in the weight of children in
developed nation
Suggestion
a developed nation
developed nations
 is the development of “online gaming” on iPads and smart phones. Unlike the past, where children used to go out to play soccer and tennis; now with all these games which
also
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 include a virtual player (which can
also
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 be their friend playing from their respective homes) it is
more easier
Suggestion
easier
 for children to indulge in
such
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 games in the comfort of their home.
This
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 leads to lack of exercise, activity and laziness.
Therefore
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, a higher risk factor for children being obese. To sum up,
although
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 we have made a huge progress over the
last
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 ten years in terms of technology; it is
also
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 essential to identify issues that
this
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 can pose
on
Suggestion
to
 children. Obesity is a predisposing factor for many diseases;
therefore
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, it is important to recognize
this
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 as
serious problem
Suggestion
a serious problem
 and work towards the promotion of a healthy
lifestyle
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. A cut down in the usage time of these devices, especially in children would be a great start in working towards the betterment of
this
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 situation.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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