Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to higher position. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

‘Working hour is proportional to promotion in every
position
’.
This
notorious notion
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
dominated over 20 centuries, not just
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
for employers but for even employees.
However
, in
this
advanced era,
this
statement is fairly
contraversial
Correct your spelling
controversial
. Some
people
still argue that anyway If a person desires
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
level of
position
, being
workaholic
Correct article usage
a workaholic
show examples
is not avoidable. Meanwhile, there is
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
perspective that working hard
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not result in power all the
time
Overall
in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
age, ambitious desire is
reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflected
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
quantities of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
writing
deal
Correct subject-verb agreement
deals
show examples
with providing
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
perspective to the old standpoint To commence the introduction, the competitier generation from 20centuries , most of company have encouraged working overtime even some employees tend to extend their working
time
voluntarily.
At
Change preposition
To
show examples
some extent,
this
is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
plausible notion. Some
people
convince
Wrong verb form
are convinced
show examples
that if someone
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
2 times longer the result is supposed to be 2 times higher.
However
in reality
this
could not result in
productive
Add an article
a productive
show examples
outcome. Here is
quite
Change the article
quite a
show examples
question from one
auther
Correct your spelling
author
another
. ‘If the
ceo
Correct your spelling
CEO
earns
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money 500 times higher than
another employees
Replace the adjective
another employee
other employees
show examples
, Did he work
500times
Correct your spelling
500 times
more?’ The answer is strictly NO, The day consists of 24
hous
Correct your spelling
hours
and anyone
surpass
Correct subject-verb agreement
surpasses
show examples
over
Rephrase
apply
show examples
24 hours. As above mentioned, there is
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
requirement for the worker aside from devoting their
time
. Essential requirement,
such
as ambition,
persistance
Correct your spelling
persistence
persistent
,
goal-oriented
Correct article usage
a goal-oriented
show examples
mind,tidiness, initiative and so on is required
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
who desire
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
state.
In addition
to
above
Add an article
the above
show examples
statement, just working hard is not
Correct article usage
a virture
show examples
virture
Correct your spelling
virtue
of outcome. The advanced industry
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
people
more creative and keen initiative when it comes to
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
. Just devoting
time
is not
valid
Add an article
the valid
a valid
show examples
way in the complicated industry in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
age. Probably There are numerous
variable
Fix the agreement mistake
variables
show examples
to promote to
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
position
.
At
Change preposition
To
show examples
some extent, spending more
time
will make
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
different effect as others
Overall
all
people
require similar working
time
. When individual desires to make
differentiatial
Correct word choice
a difference
show examples
, obviously
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
should devote their
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
spending.
However
as
people
already noticed, there is no sufficient
time
people
handle
Correct pronoun usage
handle it
show examples
. Some
people
return
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
vacation and
preceed
Correct your spelling
proceed
to their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
. And from
this
point,
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
mentioned that if they omit vacation it is like the
robort
Correct your spelling
robot
Robert
who omitted maintenance.
Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
show examples
this
statement
stress
Change the verb form
stresses
show examples
how to take vacation properly. To reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the conclusion, ‘Working hour is proportional to their higher promotion’ is
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the out
show examples
out dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
concept. There is numerous variable to reach to higher
position
.
Submitted by Choi Sugyeong on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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