Employees should be allowed to enjoy longer holidays to remain motivated and attached to their employer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

It
it
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is
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undeniable that
holidays
Use synonyms
have been playing a great role in any working environment.
Thus
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, many proponents opine that numerous jobholders show their motivation and commitment as long as they are entitled to enjoy longer
holidays
Use synonyms
. I,
therefore
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, completely agree with the above-mentioned statement that people should enjoy more vacations from the company in order to
be benefitted
Wrong verb form
benefit
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financially. To start with, employers often observe a change in job performance when they allow their personnel to enjoy long weekends. It happens because staff with non-monetary benefits perform better as they remain calm and mentally relaxed compared to others, who do not receive any extra facilities.
For instance
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,
according to
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a recent study at the University of Cambridge, corporate workers produce fifty per cent more
error free
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error-free
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reports when they join their offices right after a vacation. On top of that, if people keep working incessantly without taking any leaves, they become not only mentally stressed
,
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apply
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but
also
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physically exhausted.
Secondly
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, since many authorities decide to take care of their workers'
well being
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well-being
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, they face
low
Correct article usage
a low
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turnover rate.
That is
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to say, as employees turn out
be
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to be
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more loyal and attentive because of the benefits of
holidays
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, human resource officers spend less time on hiring new talents. To give an illustrative example, a report in a South Asian magazine stated that every three out of five fresh graduates search
and
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for and
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join a company with a flexible work schedule and timetable.
Conversely
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, an organisation
losses
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loses
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a large pile of money every year because of sourcing and hiring new personnel.
To sum up
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, providing a decent number of
holidays
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would gear people towards the betterment of the company. In my opinion, firms enjoy a greater amount of
outputs
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output
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and
myriad
Correct article usage
a myriad
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loyal
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of loyal
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individuals if they can satisfy the needs of their employees.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion right from the start.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Provide more clear examples to support your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points more succinctly.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and support your argument with examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow between the ideas.
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