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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.

#leader #shifts #position
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Since the beginning of civilizations, popular
opinions
 have influenced many governmental policies. Some
people
 assert that successful
leaders
 must always have swift responses to changes in
people
's
opinions
. I mostly disagree with
this
 assertion because of the two reasons outlined below;
however
, I do concede that
leaders
 should take into account
people
's
opinions
 when making
decisions
 that profoundly impact
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
First,
while
 making
decisions
,
leaders
 should not rely on
people
's
opinions
 because these
opinions
 are often contradictory.
This
 is because many societal problems could be boiled down to philosophical problems.
For example
, when backscatter scanning machines with the ability to see through
people
's clothes were invented, many
people
 debated whether
this machine
Fix the agreement mistake
these machines
show examples
 should be used by security personnel in airports. One of
this
 debate's roots is whether personal privacy is more important than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collective safety, a classical question in philosophy. Philosophical problems are hard to solve because
people
 with different backgrounds are likely to have different
opinions
.
As a result
,
leaders
 might not be able to make a decision that satisfies
people
 from both sides of the debate.
Second,
even when
people
 do not have contradictory views on an issue, their
opinions
 could be manipulated by external forces;
as a result
, these
opinions
 may not be accurate and usable in the policy-making process.
For instance
, when the damage of the
first
Capitalize word
First
show examples
 World War wretched the
people
 of Germany, the majority of these
people
 demanded a combative government.
This
 decision was an impetus for militarization in Germany and the eventual destruction of the German economy. Another example is Russian hackers' efforts to interfere with the 2016 United States election by enhancing the popularity of one presidential candidate on social networks.
While
 these efforts have never been confirmed, the possibility of these efforts shows that
people
's
opinions
 could be manipulated for wrong purposes.
Therefore
, to avoid the
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 of manipulating
opinions
,
leaders
 should be considerate when they use these
opinions
 to legislate. Admittedly,
leaders
 sometimes have to listen to
people
 whose fates are impacted by
the
Change the word
their
show examples
decisions
.
For example
, suppose that the chief wants to downgrade the status of a city. The leader, in
this
 case, should listen to the affected
people
 so that he is aware of how the decision would change the lives of the
people
 in the city. If he chooses not to do so, the leader might appear to be tyrannical and lose popular trust. Because popular trust is an important factor in assessing the accomplishment of a leader, the head should maintain it by listening to his
people
 when making high-stakes
decisions
.
To conclude
,
while
 sometimes the
people
 should be heard by their
leaders
, successful
leaders
 do not need to use their
people
's
opinions
 in all of their political
decisions
.
Submitted by Trinh Vuong on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer introduction that directly addresses the given statement. Consider restructuring the conclusion to summarize the key points effectively.
task achievement
Provide a stronger link between the examples and the main argument. Make sure to address each part of the prompt in a more explicit manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • steadfast
  • principles
  • undermine
  • credibility
  • adaptive
  • unrest
  • consensus
  • democratic societies
  • thoughtful consideration
  • stance
  • policies
  • short-term gains
  • progress
  • visionary
  • bending to the whims
  • beliefs
What to do next:
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