IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #information #manufacture #fish #pies #summarise #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates how fish pies are manufactured from raw materials which are
potatoes
Use synonyms
 and
salmons
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 there are two
production
Use synonyms
 lines, one for
potatoes
Use synonyms
 and one for
salmons
Use synonyms
. The potato
line
Use synonyms
 joins the salmon
line
Use synonyms
 at some point and the
production
Use synonyms
 ends at storage or dispatch.
Potatoes
Use synonyms
 reach the
production
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one month after the harvest,
then
Linking Words
 they are cleaned before they are peeled. After these steps, they are sliced into small longitudinal pieces.
Next
Linking Words
, they are boiled in a cauldron and left to cool. As the
last
Linking Words
 step for
this
Linking Words
production
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
,
potatoes
Use synonyms
 are stored until they are added to the salmon
production
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
. Fresh
salmons
Use synonyms
 are used for the fish
production
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
, which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 caught in 12 hours or less.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
salmons
Use synonyms
 are treated with lemon juice and salted right after.
Next
Linking Words
, a steam oven is used for cooking them.
Then
Linking Words
, the workers stationed at the fish
production
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
 remove
skins
Correct article usage
the skins
show examples
 and bones of cooked
salmons
Use synonyms
. There is an inspector right
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 step to ensure the
salmons
Use synonyms
 are ready for the
next
Linking Words
processes
Fix the agreement mistake
process
show examples
. After the inspection, peas, prepared sauces and stored
potatoes
Use synonyms
 from the first
production
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
 are added to the
salmons
Use synonyms
. The final products are wrapped by another worker and sent to freezing. There, they are stored until dispatch.
Submitted by drsmtcm on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words potatoes, salmons, production, line with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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