IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the advent of economical air travel has been very beneficial by making international travel more accessible,while other argue that it has had a very negative impact discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Today is characterized by the rapid rate of change.
Counties
Suggestion
Countries
 around the world are experiencing dramatic shifts in their
economical
Suggestion
economic
, social and political structures. Technology and science are becoming as vital concepts of nowadays,
thus
Linking Words
 it influences
to
Suggestion
in
 the
business
Use synonyms
, too, with its advancement. The
business
Use synonyms
 tycoons and
business
Use synonyms
 corporations dominate in each domain. It is emphasized as demand of
modern world
Suggestion
the modern world
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, today is said that all
branch
Suggestion
branches
 of society
is governed
Suggestion
are governed
 by
business
Use synonyms
 agents, range
from
Suggestion
of
 food
product
Use synonyms
 to geological resources.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
relate
Suggestion
relates
 to marketing which tempts more consumers, cooperating with mass media. It influences
customers’ view
Suggestion
the customers’ view
 that it may stimulate to buy their products. The reason why is that huge
business
Use synonyms
 has its own
budget which
Accept comma addition
budget, which
 afford to advertising their
product
Use synonyms
 widely. As well as, they contrive the high qualified condition which people can purchase their
product
Use synonyms
 without difficulties. Frequently, they make
performance
Suggestion
a performance
 for glorifying their company’s
system
Use synonyms
 and positive aspects. As far as I am concerned, all customers have an inclination to purchase both a good quality and low priced products.
For instance
Linking Words
, one brand can be
example
Suggestion
an example
examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 argument. Coca-Cola is the largest food industry whose
product
Use synonyms
 clientele around the world because it was established true controlling
system
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as advertising,
tasting
the act of subjecting to experimental test in order to determine how well something works
testing
, designing, pricing. Even it is based on red
color
a visual attribute of things that results from the light they emit or transmit or reflect
colour
 which contrive the feeling of
thirsty
Suggestion
thirst
 (medical fact).
On the other
Linking Words
hand there
Accept comma addition
hand, there
 is
peril side
Suggestion
the perilous side
perilous side
 of the coin that large
business
Use synonyms
 influence local small
business
Use synonyms
 agency which insist
of
Suggestion
on
 half of
economy
Suggestion
the economy
 of the country. These kind of
business
Use synonyms
are effected
Suggestion
is affected
are affected
 by
worldwide
Suggestion
the worldwide business agency
business
Use synonyms
 agency which
widespreading
Suggestion
 their products constantly. The
first
Linking Words
 cause of it is that there is no funding
system
Use synonyms
 or relieve tax payments by
government which
Accept comma addition
government, which
 is possible to attain good quality of running
business
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
. Government should be
shoulder onerous financial burden
Suggestion
a shoulder onerous financial burden
 for the local companies as it
gain
Suggestion
gains
 appropriate balance.
Besides
Linking Words
, local businessmen never take the responsibility of the customers’ safety.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason why consumers
to opt
Suggestion
opt
 large
business
Use synonyms
’s
products
Accept comma addition
products, although
although
Linking Words
 it is expensive than locally, if people who possess healthy life style. To conclude, the main rule of
business
Use synonyms
 is recruiting people with its quality, appearance and price
by
Suggestion
of
 advertising of mass media. Large
business
Use synonyms
 has a tendency to attract people by giving
guaranty
a written assurance that some product or service will be provided or will meet certain specifications
guarantee
 for their products and chosen true way of marketing
system
Use synonyms
. For local
business
Use synonyms
 should be
supplement
Suggestion
supplemented
 by some
way
Accept comma addition
way, such
such
Linking Words
 as government budget or investors that one authorities conduct over advantages of products.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: