IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #employees #company
For the Success of any
company
 Human Resources are the key Factor. There is a quote "Old is Gold"
,
Accept space
,
 some people believe that elderly employees are experienced and valuable to a
company
 but same time others believe
on
Suggestion
in
 young employee's capacity. There are valid opinions on both sides
,
Accept space
,
 which
I will consider now
Suggestion
I will now consider
. On the one hand, a few
group
Suggestion
groups
 of Individuals support mature staff in an organization due to their huge experience & vast knowledge.
Senior staff
Suggestion
The senior staff
are
Suggestion
is
 the backbone of the
company
 as they go through the each rise & fall situation.
for
Suggestion
For
example Tata
Accept comma addition
example, Tata
 Motors one of the leading
company
 in India prefer to employ older people who are usually capable of tackle difficult circumstances. Due to long
tenure they
Accept comma addition
tenure, they
 already earn a good amount of trust from their bosses, which lead to honesty towards
work
Suggestion
the work
.
On the other hand
,
Accept space
,
 new faces
gives
Suggestion
give
 enthusiasm to
corporate world
Suggestion
the corporate world
. Young staff not only energetic towards their
work but
Accept comma addition
work, but
also
 always eager to learn new things.
for
Suggestion
For
 any changes in the market
,
Accept space
,
freshers are flexible enough to adapt. Now a days companies bringing modernization in the field of production to achieve the
desire
Suggestion
desired
 target, and for
this
 purpose new staffs are
better choice
Suggestion
the better choice
better choices
a better choice
.
For
instance Apple
Accept comma addition
instance, Apple
 giving a chance to fresh mind to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 the requirements of new technology. In conclusion,
growth
Suggestion
the growth
 of any industry
highly depend
Suggestion
highly depends
 on its recruitment.
Thus both
Accept comma addition
Thus, both
 junior and senior staffs are
backbone
Suggestion
the backbone
 of
company
Suggestion
the company
a company
, they are equally important. Human resource officer not only required to balance these two
generation but
Suggestion
generations, but
generations but
also
 implement fair job responsibilities to them.
Submitted by Chitra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: