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Band 4

Some people think that it is a waste of money for countries to host big sporting events like the world cup and that the money would be better spent on other things. However, others think that hosting large sporting events has a clear, positive impact on a country.

#people #waste #money #countries #host #events #world #cup #impact #country
There are many individuals who think that hosting giant sporting festivals
such
 as
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
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 is a way of wasting the expense and the government should use that money on the other stuff more important than.
However
, I personally believe that organizing
such
events
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a host of advantages for a nation. There are various compelling reasons why people think the government should not spend a fortune on organizing large festivals that resemble sports. In fact, the
events
" requirement of infrastructure makes a substantial investment for
host
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the host
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 nation to ensure the sufficient availability of traffic and sports venues.
Moreover
, the lower
level
Correct article usage
the level
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 of development a
country
 has, the more enormous
investment
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the investment
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 it needs.
Thus
,
while
 many priorities like environmental pollution or poor living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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 become heated, it
seemed
Wrong verb form
seems
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 that the financial burden for festivals is unnecessary, that was why the
Brazil
Replace the word
Brazilian
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 authority received a lot of criticism when it hosted the World Cup in 2014. In spite of these arguments, I strongly believe that hosting
such
events
 has plenty of
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 influences on a
country
.
Firstly
, there are numerous tourists and visitors
attend
Correct pronoun usage
who attend
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 these
events
 to support and lift up the morale of their teams. Local people observe a dramatic rise in the sales of their goods and services.
Secondly
, sports are the
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 of entertainment and
chirpy
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chirp
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 for followers, people can get golden opportunities to meet and witness the performance of their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 stars.
Thirdly
, international sporting
events
also
 popularise a
country
 to the world and
thus
 the potential tourism industry of
this
country
 gets benefits from that. In conclusion, it seems to me that there are many positive effects
for
Change preposition
of
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 holding international sporting
events
although
this
 has some notable drawbacks.
Submitted by Tom Duong on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your points in a more coherent manner. Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be clearer and more impactful. Ensure that your main points are supported with more relevant details and examples.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, but make sure to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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