IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, youngsters
are being
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 a part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 most of the crimes in society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some people argue that parents are giving importance to work rather than taking care of their
children
Use synonyms
 for these problems.I would argue that,
while
Linking Words
parent's
Check wording
parents
show examples
 are responsible at some point, there are other factors
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be considered.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
becoming
Wrong verb form
who become
show examples
workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
show examples
 give a chance for their
children
Use synonyms
 to get trapped
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 problems.
This
Linking Words
 is because the father wants a quality education for their kids and a better lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 Times magazine
international
Punctuation problem
, international
show examples
 schools are expanding in
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 as professionals
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 their
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
 upbringing in a good environment.If the
children
Use synonyms
 get less parenting in their teenage
,
Check wording
years, then
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it would create a greater opportunity of being misguided
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early stage.
However
Linking Words
, teachers and friends are equally responsible for the teens going
on
Change preposition
down
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong path and encountering issues in their surroundings.The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 spend most of the time in schools and with their companions.To illustrate, more than 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of young criminals are
due to
Linking Words
 bad company and
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 educational background.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the part of teachers is
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
proper
Replace the word
properly
show examples
 monitoring the behaviour of their students, particularly the age they get easily allured by bad habits should be taken into consideration. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the parents should be more concerned about the activities of their teenage
children
Use synonyms
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some other facts
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as teachers in school and
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 of company they
involved
Verb problem
are involved
show examples
 might be equally
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 of the social issues carried out by teenagers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear on your view from the start and keep it in every paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Plan your essay: opening line, main ideas in order, and a short end.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple joins like 'and', 'but', 'so' and 'for example'.
grammar
Check your grammar and keep verb form and noun usage correct.
lexical resource
Use easy words well; avoid big words that are wrong.
task response
You try to show both sides of the issue.
language accuracy
You use sign posts like Firstly, However, and In conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: