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Writing Samples
Band 5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

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In various Western countries nowadays, the rising number of children suffering from obesity is alarming.
This
 essay will shed light on contributing factors and highlight some possible consequences of
this
 worrying issue,
thus
 a useful suggestion will be made.
To begin
 with, the invention of modern
technology including
Accept comma addition
technology, including
Internet
Suggestion
the Internet
 and social media is believed to be the major reason for
this
 problem. Having participated
actively
Suggestion
active
 in outdoor activities in the past, children now tend to spend their spare time sitting in front of screens.
In addition
, there is a linkage between the consumption of processed food among youngsters and childhood obesity. It is a fact that in various workplaces worldwide, many parents are struggling with an overburden of assignments,
therefore
, they cannot spend time preparing healthy dishes.
Consequently
, ready-made food seems to be an attractive choice due to its affordable price and convenience. Undeniably, both physical and mental problems in children are believed to originate from the overweight. It is claimed that the obese children are vulnerable to many serious diseases
such
 as diabetes and high blood pressure.
Moreover
, the overweight youngsters are more likely to be the victims of bullying due to their appearance. As a consequence, they can suffer from stress, leading to their dropping out of school. Clearly, an effective solution to
this
 disturbing problem is for the government to organise more campaigns focusing on sports. Not only can
this
 action raise the
parents’awareness but
Accept comma addition
parents’ awareness, but
parents’ awareness but
 it
also
 encourages children to go outside
instead
 of wasting time using smartphones and computers. To
summerise
give a summary (of)
summarize
summarise
, it is clear that the inactive lifestyle and unhealthy diet can trigger obesity, which can have negative effects on children’s physical and mental health. It is,
therefore
, recommended that the sport campaigns should be held in order to tackle
this
 concerning issue.
Submitted by Andy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 2. Screen time
  • 3. Physical activity
  • 4. Fast food consumption
  • 5. Processed foods
  • 6. Nutritional requirements
  • 7. Self-esteem
  • 8. Social isolation
  • 9. Mental health issues
  • 10. Hypertension
  • 11. Respiratory issues
  • 12. Community programs
  • 13. Educational initiatives
  • 14. Government policies
  • 15. Advertisements targeting children
  • 16. Healthy eating habits
  • 17. Subsidies for healthy foods
  • 18. Overweight prevalence
  • 19. Convenience of processed foods
  • 20. Long-term effects
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