Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is imperative to emphasize that leisure activities play an important role in
children
Suggestion
child
child's
children's
development due to the fact that it
provides them many
Suggestion
provides them with many
opportunities to acquire useful skills. While many individuals opine that adolescents should be encouraged to participate in organized
group
Use synonyms
activities, some affirm that children should have the right to choose which activity they want to do in their free time. As far as I’m concerned, while participating in organized
group
Use synonyms
activities is indispensable for children's development, parents should permit their children to choose their leisure activities. Addressing the preliminary state, it can be gainsaid that engaging in an organized
group
Use synonyms
activity is certainly beneficial for the development of children. To start with, parents do not have to over-worry about their child's safety since they are supervised by other people while playing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children can
also
Linking Words
have the chance to learn interpersonal skills and understand team spirit when they
are involving
Suggestion
are involved
in a
group
Use synonyms
activity. Playing
multiplayer sports
Accept comma addition
multiplayer, sports
such
Linking Words
as football and basketball,
for example
Linking Words
, children are more likely to understand the important role of working together with their friends to achieve their goal. Owing to
this
Linking Words
, children can improve their interpersonal skills which would benefit their future career. Reckoning the
second
Linking Words
opinion, it is indisputable that children should be permitted to decide how to occupy themselves since they now can gain self-reliance. Having the chance to choose their leisure activities, children can learn how to arrange their schedule and be more decisive as they have to choose what activities they want to engage in.
This
Linking Words
not only makes them live more
independently but
Accept comma addition
independently, but
also
Linking Words
helps to ameliorate decision-making skills that are necessary for their future.
Besides
Linking Words
, a
noncoercive
Suggestion
environment could nurture children's responsibility as they have to tackle their tasks and are responsible for their consequences. In the light of aforesaid factors, I am convinced that both statements have their own merits. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, it seems that children should be allowed to occupy themselves on account of the fact they can enhance their self-assurance.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: