In the future, it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than younger people in some countries. Is it a negative or positive development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some countries will face with
aging population
Suggestion
the aging population
an aging population
in the future. While I agree that
this
Linking Words
prediction can have some benefits, I believe that
this
Linking Words
trend is a negative development. On the one hand, there are several advantages of having more senior citizens in a country. The
first
Linking Words
benefit is that elderly people would be able to contribute several fields
such
Linking Words
as teaching, management, research and scientific thanks to their extensive and practical experience.
For instance
Linking Words
, the old teacher can coach students in order to attend contests like
Olympics
Suggestion
the Olympics
,
scientific research competition
Suggestion
a scientific research competition
the scientific research competition
. Another advantage is that the elderly can share a burden with their children. Actually, nowadays young people always busy with working so parents who can help them some work like household chores or do the babysitting.
As a result
Linking Words
, young people can put a high value on effectively working to improve their performance.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the above benefits
are outweighed
Suggestion
outweigh
the drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
, older people can have a significant effect on a
country
Suggestion
country's
economy. Because business may suffer from a lack of
workers which
Accept comma addition
workers, which
lead companies do not have enough workers.
As a
Linking Words
result those
Accept comma addition
result, those
business
Suggestion
businesses
are bankrupted.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the authorities have to spend more on pensions which put pressure on national budgets. The
second
Linking Words
disadvantage is that
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
systems. As the demand of healthcare will increase if the number of old people rises in the future and
this
Linking Words
result in governments
have
Suggestion
has
to
built
Suggestion
build
more hospital. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
there
are
Suggestion
is
good reason why countries should have more senior citizens, in my
opinion
Accept comma addition
opinion, this
this
Linking Words
will
adverse
Suggestion
adversely
effect on many aspects of each country.
Submitted by datkhoa121 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: