In the future, it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than younger people in some countries. Is it a negative or positive development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development

It is true that some countries will face with

aging population

Suggestion

the aging population

an aging population

in the future. While I agree that

this

prediction can have some benefits, I believe that

this

trend is a negative development. On the one hand, there are several advantages of having more senior citizens in a country. The

first

benefit is that elderly people would be able to contribute several fields

such

as teaching, management, research and scientific thanks to their extensive and practical experience.

For instance

, the old teacher can coach students in order to attend contests like

Olympics

Suggestion

the Olympics

scientific research competition

Suggestion

a scientific research competition

the scientific research competition

. Another advantage is that the elderly can share a burden with their children. Actually, nowadays young people always busy with working so parents who can help them some work like household chores or do the babysitting.

As a result

, young people can put a high value on effectively working to improve their performance.

However

, I believe that the above benefits

are outweighed

Suggestion

outweigh

the drawbacks.

Firstly

, older people can have a significant effect on a

country

Suggestion

country's

economy. Because business may suffer from a lack of

workers which

Accept comma addition

workers, which

lead companies do not have enough workers.

As a

result those

Accept comma addition

result, those

business

Suggestion

businesses

are bankrupted.

Moreover

, the authorities have to spend more on pensions which put pressure on national budgets. The

second

disadvantage is that

healthcare

Suggestion

health care

systems. As the demand of healthcare will increase if the number of old people rises in the future and

this

result in governments

have

Suggestion

has

built

Suggestion

build

more hospital. In conclusion,

although

there

are

Suggestion

good reason why countries should have more senior citizens, in my

opinion

Accept comma addition

opinion, this

this

will

adverse

Suggestion

adversely

effect on many aspects of each country.

Submitted by datkhoa121 on Sun Aug 16 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the future, it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than younger people in some countries. Is it a negative or positive development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays more and more children are being brought up in single-parent families. What are the causes of this? What effects can be seen as a result of this?

In spite of many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace.

Write a letter to your manager to nominate a person for the best employee of the year award. Explain in your letter:  Who this person is  Why you choose him/her  What the characteristics of the good employee are

Describe a career that requires a lot of hard work, but is rewarding in the end. What is the job, and why is it rewarding despite the challenges? Give specific details to support your answer.

News editor decide what to to broadcast on television and what to print in newspaper. What factors do you think influence these dicisions? Do we bacame used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?