In the future, it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than younger people in some countries. Is it a negative or positive development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development

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It is true that some countries will face with

aging population

Suggestion

the aging population

an aging population

in the future. While I agree that

this

Linking Words

prediction can have some benefits, I believe that

this

Linking Words

trend is a negative development. On the one hand, there are several advantages of having more senior citizens in a country. The

first

Linking Words

benefit is that elderly people would be able to contribute several fields

such

Linking Words

as teaching, management, research and scientific thanks to their extensive and practical experience.

For instance

Linking Words

, the old teacher can coach students in order to attend contests like

Olympics

Suggestion

the Olympics

scientific research competition

Suggestion

a scientific research competition

the scientific research competition

. Another advantage is that the elderly can share a burden with their children. Actually, nowadays young people always busy with working so parents who can help them some work like household chores or do the babysitting.

As a result

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, young people can put a high value on effectively working to improve their performance.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that the above benefits

are outweighed

Suggestion

outweigh

the drawbacks.

Firstly

Linking Words

, older people can have a significant effect on a

country

Suggestion

country's

economy. Because business may suffer from a lack of

workers which

Accept comma addition

workers, which

lead companies do not have enough workers.

As a

Linking Words

result those

Accept comma addition

result, those

business

Suggestion

businesses

are bankrupted.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the authorities have to spend more on pensions which put pressure on national budgets. The

second

Linking Words

disadvantage is that

healthcare

Suggestion

health care

systems. As the demand of healthcare will increase if the number of old people rises in the future and

this

Linking Words

result in governments

have

Suggestion

has

built

Suggestion

build

more hospital. In conclusion,

although

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there

are

Suggestion

good reason why countries should have more senior citizens, in my

opinion

Accept comma addition

opinion, this

this

Linking Words

will

adverse

Suggestion

adversely

effect on many aspects of each country.

Submitted by datkhoa121 on Sun Aug 16 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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In the future, it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than younger people in some countries. Is it a negative or positive development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Your organized flight has been canceled. Write a letter to the airline company. You should 1)Complain about the situation 2)Request what you need from them to make a travel insurance claim 3)Suggest what they should do in future situations

Olders after retirement spend money on themselves for travels or holidays rather than for their children. Is this positive or negative development

In future it may be necessary for us to live on another planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now to reseach another planets. Such as mars, to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Space exploration has been an ongoing field of research in the 21st century. What are the advantages and disadvantages of exploring space? Do you agree that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?