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Band 5.5

Animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities on land and in sea why has this happened? What’s the solution?

#species #activities #land #sea #what’s
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Several terrestrial and marine animal species are indeed endangered
as a result
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 of humankind's activities.
Although
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 the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon could be pronounced easily, there are not without solutions. On the one hand, there are two main driving forces behind
this
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 problem. Evidence among contributing factors is
overexploitation
Suggestion
such
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 as
overfishing
Suggestion
 leading to the extinction of thousands of aquatic animals. With the state- of- the – art technology, people are dragging nets across the ocean
floor which
Accept comma addition
floor, which
 picks up tons of non-target catches including a turtle, coral reefs, and other exotic ones. As the consequence, the actions destroy the animal habitats as well as the ecosystem.
Furthermore
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, the expansion of land for the agricultural purpose could be seen as a significant reason that pulls species on the verge of extinction. People construct forests and trees for planting crops or raising livestock.
As a result
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, wild animals have no room for sheltering as well as breeding.
On the other hand
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, there are some measures that could be addressed to deal with
this
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 phenomenon. In the
first
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 place, conservation should be put on high agenda.
Therefore
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, exotic animals could be protected from hunting or
overexploitation
Suggestion
. In the
second
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 place, strict punishment should be applied to deter the motivation for committing crimes. Because realizing the cost have to pay for their immoral
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 is too high, hunters will think twice before acting In conclusion,
overexploitation
Suggestion
 and expansion are the two main culprits that put the lives of thousands of animal species come to an end.
However
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, if the authorities and society as a whole come to a consensus, people still can hope for a better life coming forward.
Submitted by Andy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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