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Writing Samples
Band 5

For some people consumer goods have become most important thing in the life. Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Consumerism, an ideology that encourages people to purchase
products
Use synonyms
, is unprecedented prevalent around the world. It is still a moot point whether
this
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 phenomenon has more benefits or drawbacks.
This
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 essay will argue that the pros of increasing significance of consumer
goods
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 in people’s daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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outstrip
Correct subject-verb agreement
outstrips
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its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 cons. Admittedly, some
skeptics
Change the spelling
sceptics
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 may argue that
this
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 surging materialism is harmful to the environment, since the numerous
goods
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 have to be packed with a large number of toxic plastic bags.
However
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, I would counter that
this
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unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 issue can be addressed in the near future. With the rising awareness of environmental protection, many governments worldwide, especially those in developed countries, have implemented regulations to mitigate
this
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 adverse impact.
For example
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, various industries, from food to clothes
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 to technology, are forced to use degradable plastic materials to pack their
goods
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.
Therefore
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, the packages of those
goods
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 will not be detrimental to the environment anymore.
On the other hand
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, there are compelling benefits for both individuals and society
consuming
Change preposition
in consuming
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products
Use synonyms
. In regards to society,
colossal
Correct article usage
the colossal
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 demand for daily
goods
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 can boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth.
In other words
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, whenever citizens purchase a product, they will contribute to the gross domestic
production
Replace the word
product
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 of the country.
Furthermore
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, as for citizens, those
goods
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, especially sophisticated technology, can facilitate their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For instance
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, the communication among
nowadays people
Correct word order
people nowadays
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 significantly convenient thanks to the gadgets,
such
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 as phones and computers, which enable people to chat and have video conferences online.
Hence
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, countries and individuals can indeed reap the benefits of
products
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. In conclusion, even though the packages of consumer
goods
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 might pose a threat to the environment,
this
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 problem will be tackled in the near future; the pervasive consumer
goods
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 have desirable perks to both society and citizens.
As a result
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, I firmly believe the merits of
products
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 are superior to the demerits.

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content
Have a clear plan at the start and keep one main view through the essay.
content
Show both sides more. Say why some think the bad points matter and then say why they are less.
content
Give more real facts or small facts to back each idea.
grammar
Fix grammar with subject and verb, and use short, simple sentences.
coherence
Use short links to join ideas, and use easy words for a smooth flow.
clarity
The writer shows a clear view and sticks to it.
structure
Linking words help the flow of ideas.
content
Examples are used to show ideas, and the writing is easy to read.
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