IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #care #costs
Child obesity is a hotly debated topic on popular media across the world.
This
 essay will explore how the consumption of junk
food
 and
a a sedentary
Suggestion
a sedentary lifestyle
lifestyle
 are the route cause of
this
 concern and how through a balanced
diet
 and modification of
lifestyle
,
this
problem
 can be curtailed. There are multiple causes of
this
 menace.
Firstly
, one of the biggest reasons behind
this
 concern is the consumption of junk
food
.As children are more inclined towards high caloric
diet
 due to the increasing number of fast
food
 restaurants.Take an example of South Africa, where a huge number of cases of child obesity were noted in hospitals after opening of fast
food
 restaurants in the local region. .
Thus
,
Accept space
,
the utilization of refined sugar can be considered as the
fueling
 force behind
this
 issue.
Secondly
, another leading cause of
this
 issue is a sedentary
lifestyle
.As youngsters are extremely fond of indoor games involving minimum physical activity which
further
 aggravate
this
 condition.
For instance
,
Accept space
,
a recent survey in Chile revealed that the number of students for playing physical games have markedly reduced after the invention of tablets.
Hence
,
Accept space
,
sedentary
lifestyle
 can be the breeding ground for
this
problem
.
However
, there are certain viable measures that can be taken to curb
this
problem
. The primary solution would be the use of a balanced
diet
.As
such
diet
 provides effective ingredients which will keep adolescents fit rather than consuming high caloric
diet
.
Furthermore
, another effective solution I believe would be modification of
lifestyle
.As changes in patterns of living standards in terms of walks, jogging will be more beneficial in solving
this
problem
. To sum up, I believe that even though consumption of junk
food
 and a sedentary
lifestyle
 are widespread, but through the use of a balanced
diet
 and modification of
lifestyle
,
this
problem
 can be tackled.
Submitted by aadidoc508 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: