IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Bussines
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 which recruiting young women must pay
maternity
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 leave.
Maternity
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 leave will happen in every young women career. It is agreed if small
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bussinesses
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businesses
 should avoid recruiting young woman so
this
Linking Words
 business should not pay
maternity
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 leave. Paying
maternity
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 leave will make small
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bussines
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business
 lost money which can be used as asset and
profit
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.
Firstly
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, small
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bussines
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business
 which pay
maternity
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 leave will lose much money as
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an
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asset. If the finance is used as
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bussines
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business
 expander, the small
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bussines
Correct your spelling
business
 will increase and it can reach as medium
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bussinesses
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businesses
. The
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bussines
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business
 which uses funds as asset efficiently will make their
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bussinesses
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businesses
 greater than before.
Therefore
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, small businesses owner should think carefully to decide about funds using.
Secondly
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, the owner of
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a
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small
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bussines
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business
 will lose some
profit
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 if they pay
maternity
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 leave. The
profit
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 of
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bussinesses
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businesses
 will not full if the owner must pay
this
Linking Words
. The time of break-even point will increase if the
profit
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 is not full.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is better to recruit boys as employers which will not take
maternity
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 leave. It will cost if the
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bussinesses
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businesses
 must pay
this
Linking Words
. To summarise, small
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bussines
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business
 should recruit young men if they will get full
profit
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 and have much money to make bigger their
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bussines
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business
 without thinking about pay
maternity
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 leave. So, it is clear that
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the
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idea of recruiting young men is better than young women.
This
Linking Words
 analysis will get many opinions from another reader which see from another perspective so we should see the other opinions to make
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a
the
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decision about adding employers.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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