Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #computers #entertainment #time #sports #games

Nowadays, technology has become the most important aspect of our life.Students have many alternative ways of playing the internet.We should provide the way for a student to spend less time on

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

entertainment.

However

, we should support them for doing outside activity.Personally,I strongly agree with

this

statement. Begin with, the major advantage of going outdoor activity

instead

of using

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the

show examples

omputer is it can encourage peer to make

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show examples

riend to others.

Moreover

, junior will go out

Verify preposition usage

show examples

their comfort zone and see the whole picture for staying with others.

Furthermore

, when

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show examples

hild has an event with others, they will ignore their computer.

This

cause student will notice that there are many subjects to do on their routine.

For example

, I used to be a person who is

netholic

Correct your spelling

catholic

, my mom sent me to a camp.After that,I had a chance of spending time with others.

Then

I knew that there are a lot of activities not only sport but

also

talking.

Then

we share our experience and point of view.So now I seldom keep myself on the online.

In addition

, outdoor activity will provide vitamins that gain a huge benefit to your health.While using technology will low down your body

such

as short eys.Some students playing

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the

show examples

port for fitting themself.

For instance

, my sister always play tennis, she has an antibody for keeping herself healthy.

Therefore

she never gets overweight and has a good shape. In conclusion, the student should use a less electronic device to ensure their health.They should spend time doing outside event.

This

will help a child to have a community and become healthy.

Submitted by tweetyjahjahjah on Sat Sep 05 2020

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, increasing numbers of people are becoming interested in learning about the history of the house or building where they live. What are the reasons for this? hOW CAN PEOPLE RESEARCH THIS?

In many towns and cities, large shopping malls are replacing small local shops. Do you think this is a positive development? Give your reasons and examples.

You have decided to leave your current employment. Write a letter to your employer. Include the following in your letter: – Explain why you are writing – Explain why you have decided to leave the company – Tell your employer what you plan to do after leaving your present employment

In the future,nobody will buy printed paper or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?