IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women
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Competition has always been present in human lives. Some people argue that the competitive
behavior
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behaviour
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 of
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 gender is more natural than the other one. I partly agree with the statement and
this
 essay will elaborate more. First of all, I believe that history can show that
men
 were those who carried the aptitude or even veiled responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
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 competitiveness.
Whereas
 women’s tasks were taking care of children and being housewives,
men
 had to provide food and safety for their families.
As a result
, they normally
have
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had
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 to compete among themselves for land or
honor
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honour
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, or just to demonstrate which man
were
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was
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 the strongest to be the leader or the chief.
Furthermore
,
until
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apply
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these days, even in
workplace
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the workplace
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, it is common to see
men
 competing to prove who is more capable or has the biggest salary.
However
, as far as I am concerned,
this
 can be explained by women’s lack of opportunities. In the
past
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past,
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 they were not allowed to participate in
such
 ambitious events and dispute positions just because of their sex. Differently, nowadays every sport that allows males to show their grandiosity
,
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apply
show examples
also
 has space for the other gender and sometimes, the
last
 ones have uppermost results.
For instance
, Marta, a Brazilian soccer player,
have
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has
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 won more “Ballon
D’or
Correct your spelling
d’Or
” than any other man alive.
Hence
, I
also
 agree that in an
equally
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equal
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 system, females can prove their worth and determination.
To conclude
,
although
 I agree that historically it is possible to relate a great sense and disposition to competitiveness to
men
, I can not ignore the fact that women are proving in numbers and attitude that they can be equally or even more competitive than the opposite sex.
Submitted by gusttmarquez on

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task response
Your essay adequately addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your opinion on the issue to provide a stronger task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure and the paragraphs are well-connected. Work on refining your introduction and conclusion to create a more impactful overall structure.
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