Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#schools #children #subjects #future #careers #music #sports

There has been a common assumption that young

people

need to have to good academic background to be considered successful.

Therefore

, some

people

believe that

music

and P.E should

remove

Wrong verb form

be removed

show examples

from the curriculum so that totally on teaching academic subjects. I disagree with

this

opinion as both

music

and physical education are essential for

students

in terms of daily life and future

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. Listening to

music

and playing musical instruments can be beneficial for

people

's health.

Music

can lighten one's mood and alleviate boredom. Attending a concert or streaming

music

online is a leisure activity that can help them forget their stressful work or study for a

while

, listening to light

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

can reduce anxiety and enhance sleep quality.

Additionally

music

shows differences between cultures, and encouraging

people

to play

music

can preserve the diversity of musical styles. Musical traditions differ from region to region, and there are substantial differences in musical instruments, rhythms, genres, beats, and lyrics.

While

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

music

has gained in popularity throughout the world with pop

music

, rock

music

and blues heard everywhere, some traditional varieties of

music

are still alive in some parts of the world. In China,

for example

, some folk songs still have their fan base and there are musicians who attempt to keep these traditions alive.

Moreover

, the

music

industry can be a driver of economic growth. More

people

choose to go to the concert and pay an exorbitant amount

for watching

Change preposition

to watch

show examples

the

music

shows of their favourite musicians.

Additionally

, singers and bands sell albums to make a huge profit or mementoes. For these reasons, the creative industry can create numerous jobs supporting musical performances and TV shows of talented musicians. In

this

sense, it can become a new engine of the economy. Physical Education helps

students

contributes

Correct subject-verb agreement

contribute

show examples

to self -development, and shape. Since social competition is fierce, young children have all

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

to achieve in-depth and comprehensive development in competitiveness. Physical exercises

such

as playing basketball or playing football involve multiple team

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

which emphasized heavily on teamwork communication skills, coordination ability, and organization capacity.

Therefore

, not only

can help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

tone and body and firm up muscles but

also

can help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

them

Change preposition

apply

show examples

how

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excellent team member and master soft skills. Whenever conflicts happen in workplaces or other situations,

people

with team

sprites

Correct your spelling

spirit

show examples

and soft skills which is befitting for their future job. Having PE or

music

class，by occupying spare time constructively， makes

students

contented, with no time for boredom.

To sum up

, It can't be denied that the young generation is under pressure to be successful today, in fact, they can

also

be successful in particle jobs like singers and

music

teachers, etc. Introducing

music

and PE

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

into the school curriculum could，to some extent， assist

students

in realizing

overall

development and add spice to their dull routine of everyday life.

Submitted by 1339232976 on Mon Sep 21 2020

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Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

474 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You are planning to take a vacation. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter Describe the vacation spot you have chosen Explain how you plan to spend your time there Invite your friend to join you on your vacation.

Some people argue that long distance relationships never work. What are the reasons and what could be the solutions?

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.