Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#schools #children #subjects #future #careers #music #sports

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There has been a common assumption that young

people

Use synonyms

need to have to good academic background to be considered successful.

Therefore

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

believe that

music

Use synonyms

and P.E should

remove

Wrong verb form

be removed

show examples

from the curriculum so that totally on teaching academic subjects. I disagree with

this

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opinion as both

music

Use synonyms

and physical education are essential for

students

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in terms of daily life and future

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. Listening to

music

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and playing musical instruments can be beneficial for

people

Use synonyms

's health.

Music

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can lighten one's mood and alleviate boredom. Attending a concert or streaming

music

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online is a leisure activity that can help them forget their stressful work or study for a

while

Linking Words

, listening to light

song

Fix the agreement mistake

songs

show examples

can reduce anxiety and enhance sleep quality.

Additionally

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

shows differences between cultures, and encouraging

people

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to play

music

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can preserve the diversity of musical styles. Musical traditions differ from region to region, and there are substantial differences in musical instruments, rhythms, genres, beats, and lyrics.

While

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western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

music

Use synonyms

has gained in popularity throughout the world with pop

music

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, rock

music

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and blues heard everywhere, some traditional varieties of

music

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are still alive in some parts of the world. In China,

for example

Linking Words

, some folk songs still have their fan base and there are musicians who attempt to keep these traditions alive.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the

music

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industry can be a driver of economic growth. More

people

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choose to go to the concert and pay an exorbitant amount

for watching

Change preposition

to watch

show examples

the

music

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shows of their favourite musicians.

Additionally

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, singers and bands sell albums to make a huge profit or mementoes. For these reasons, the creative industry can create numerous jobs supporting musical performances and TV shows of talented musicians. In

this

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sense, it can become a new engine of the economy. Physical Education helps

students

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contributes

Correct subject-verb agreement

contribute

show examples

to self -development, and shape. Since social competition is fierce, young children have all

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

to achieve in-depth and comprehensive development in competitiveness. Physical exercises

such

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as playing basketball or playing football involve multiple team

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

which emphasized heavily on teamwork communication skills, coordination ability, and organization capacity.

Therefore

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, not only

can help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

tone and body and firm up muscles but

also

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can help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

them

Change preposition

apply

show examples

how

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excellent team member and master soft skills. Whenever conflicts happen in workplaces or other situations,

people

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with team

sprites

Correct your spelling

spirit

show examples

and soft skills which is befitting for their future job. Having PE or

music

Use synonyms

class，by occupying spare time constructively， makes

students

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contented, with no time for boredom.

To sum up

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, It can't be denied that the young generation is under pressure to be successful today, in fact, they can

also

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be successful in particle jobs like singers and

music

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teachers, etc. Introducing

music

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and PE

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

into the school curriculum could，to some extent， assist

students

Use synonyms

in realizing

overall

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development and add spice to their dull routine of everyday life.

Submitted by 1339232976 on Mon Sep 21 2020

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

474 words

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Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is leading to poverty and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answer.

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

Topic: some people think it’s better to choose friends who always have the same opinion as them. Other people believe it’s good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them