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Band 3.5

When choosing a job the salary is the most important consideration for many others. However prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary there.

#job #salary #consideration #aspects
Money is the most important value when people looking for their job, but there are many other things that you have to considerate.
First
, I would like to say the people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 do you
work
 with are
also
v
Add an article
a
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ery important consideration. Getting a job does not means earning money. It contains many other meanings,
such
 as making
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new friends, communicating with other companies. We normally
work
 with coworkers. If we have a person who doesn't respect
another
Change the determiner
other
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 crew members, that person would make them stressed out or upset.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 important thing is the location. Of course
Add a comma
,
show examples
some people
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 care about where the place is.
However
, let's imagine it takes 2hours to go to
work
 and another 2hours to come back
to
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
home. It means you have to spend 4hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 on the road. Even if they have awesome coworkers and high salary, you got to be exhausted so fast.
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 one is your happiness. I highly recommend that think about what you really want to do or what is
your
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 goal of your life before you choose a company to apply. You got to
work
 at least a year or you might
work
 over 20years at the same corporation.
That is
 not
the
Change the article
an
show examples
 easy decision. Even though all the contents are perfect if you are not happy at that moment, that should not be a good choice. In conclusion, choosing what are you going to do for your life is not simple.
Submitted by Hailey Ryu on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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