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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.
#two #domiciliary #energy #usage #australian #people #household #appliances #amount #gases #direction
The first chart shows that
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heating requires the highest utilization of
energy
 power,
controversely
Correct your spelling
controversy
controversially
,
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
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 system is the appliance demanding the lowest rate of
energy
as
Change preposition
at
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 2% and
also
 manufacturing the minimum amount of greenhouse gases. Water heating stands out in the
second
 highest place with
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
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third
 percentage in the side of
energy
 usage,
although
 it is the most detrimental appliance that
produce
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produces
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 the most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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greenhouse gas emissions.
According to
 the proportions of
energy
 use, three
direction
Change to a plural noun
directions
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such
 as
the
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apply
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refrigeration, lighting and other appliances cause approximately two times more gas emissions than the quantity of
energy
 utilization of those devices.
Overall
, it seems that depending on variations
on
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in
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 the rate of household
energy
 use, the dose of greenhouse gas emissions
revealing
Wrong verb form
revealed
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 to the atmosphere changes and that dependence between
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
energy
 and
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of gases can be inversely proportional in certain directions.
Submitted by zalovagunel1 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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