IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.
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The first chart shows that
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heating requires the highest utilization of
energy
Use synonyms
 power,
controversely
Correct your spelling
controversy
controversially
,
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
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 system is the appliance demanding the lowest rate of
energy
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
at
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 2% and
also
Linking Words
 manufacturing the minimum amount of greenhouse gases. Water heating stands out in the
second
Linking Words
 highest place with
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
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third
Linking Words
 percentage in the side of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage,
although
Linking Words
 it is the most detrimental appliance that
produce
Change the verb form
produces
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 the most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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greenhouse gas emissions.
According to
Linking Words
 the proportions of
energy
Use synonyms
 use, three
direction
Change to a plural noun
directions
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such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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refrigeration, lighting and other appliances cause approximately two times more gas emissions than the quantity of
energy
Use synonyms
 utilization of those devices.
Overall
Linking Words
, it seems that depending on variations
on
Change preposition
in
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 the rate of household
energy
Use synonyms
 use, the dose of greenhouse gas emissions
revealing
Wrong verb form
revealed
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 to the atmosphere changes and that dependence between
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
energy
Use synonyms
 and
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of gases can be inversely proportional in certain directions.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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